JNPR VS RWBY
by SleepinEyes
Summary: Team Juniper and team RWBY fights for control of a boxed canyon in a remote place of the galaxy. Mostly dialogue and sheer insanity.
1. Juniper vs RWBY

_War... war never changes..._

 _In the awake of human exploration of space, we ventured to new words. We hoped to solve every single problem in the world by simple moving to new ones. But human greedy knows no bond, and soon we started fight just to have more of what we already have. And now, in the year of…_

"What the hell are you babbling about you dolt?"

"Ugh… I'm narrating!" Ruby answered as she put her sniper rifle down and turned to watch her second in command, Weiss.

"Narrating to who? Besides, I probably know my History better than you!"

"Nerd."

"Hey! I swear Command made a mistake by putting you as team leader! I'm way better qualified than you!"

"Have you ever thought you might be too qualified?"

"There's no such a thing as being too qualified!"

"Actually there is. They think that putting people too qualified to do a job with less qualifying requirements can make them irritable and annoying."

"THERE'S NO SUCH A THING!"

"Irritable and annoying."

"Ugh! You're impossible! At least tell me what the guys in the other side are doing!"

"I don't know." Ruby looked through the scope again. "The pink one has a hammer and is hitting something, while the green one is staring. Can't see the light blue one. I bet they are scheming something against us. Better call Blake and Yang."

* * *

"And I'm done! My new super weapon to defeat our enemies!"

"Nora, you just smashed some rocks with the gravity hammer."

"Exactly! Now all you need to do is to cut some of the trees and build us a catapult!"

"Nora, we have guns, rocket launchers, I think Jaune was trying to get us a damn tank. Stones can't even pass through our personal armor."

"How do you know? Did they test our armors against rocks?"

"I don't think it was needed."

"See, Renny! You don't know if it'll work or not! Now stop talking and chop-chop! Literally!" Ren's answer was a long deep sigh. Soon Jaune came from the base and joined them.

"Do I want to know why we have a pile of remotely spherical rocks?"

"To throw at our enemies, silly!" Nora answered and Jaune stare at Ren, which just shrugged.

"We'll keep it as a last resource. OK, bad news, Command gave our tank to some guys in a boxed canyon…"

"Aren't that us?" Ren asked as they all took a moment to notice that yes, they were also in a boxed canyon. "Why are we even here?"

"Well, our enemies are here, so they might know something we don't. Besides, I like here, nice weather, never too hot, never too cold, and we're close to the waterfall!" Jaune and Ren turned to the waterfall. "NORA PUT YOUR ARMOR BACK ON!"

"But I need to clean myself! Making deadly weapons made me sweat a lot!"

"I TOLD YOU BEFORE TO NEVER EVER TAKE YOUR ARMOR OUT OUTSIDE THE BASE! OR WHEN I'M CLOSE BY!" Jaune yelled before turning back to Ren. "Your girlfriend has no sense of shame!"

"Not my girlfriend and she probably don't even know what shame is. So, the bad news is that Command denied our tank, but the good news…"

"Oh yeah. They're sending reinforcements. Apparently some special soldier or something."

"Special as it can do good things or special as in 'it can't clean its own ass by himself'?"

"I think they sent that one with the tank."

* * *

"Sup, sis. What the losers are doing?"

"Well, they were breaking rocks, and then talking, then the pink one, that now I can say for sure is a girl…"

"Ruby, I think we all decided that men have a too fragile ego to wear pink. And how exactly you discovered she's a girl?"

"She got naked and took a bath on the waterfall."

"Damn it! Why they got the waterfall! I'm itching to take a bath there since we arrived! Do you think if I ask gently they will allow me?"

"You're a pervert, Xiao Long. Ruby, why you didn't shot her? It would get us the advantage in this war!" Weiss questioned.

"I was going to, but do you know she have a cute heart tattooed in her right buttocks? It distracted me."

"Oh for… She's the enemy! Just shoot her next time!"

"Is she naked right now? Lend me the rifle!"

"No! Bad Yang! You know you aren't allowed to use the sniper rifle after what you did during training!"

* * *

"MY BALLS! HOW YOU SHOT THEN WHEN I WAS BEHIND YOU!?"

* * *

"What, the bullet ricocheted!"

"Besides, only I can fire my beloved Crescent Rose!" Ruby said as she hugged the sniper rifle.

"Did you name your rifle?" Weiss asked incredulously.

"She names everything she owns. Her bed is called Fluffy." Yang answered.

"OK, enough! You know what we should do? We should plan our next move against our enemies!"

"Wait… have we did a first move? Like, at all?"

* * *

"I wonder why they never made a move against us." Jaune wondered as his team met at the inside of the base.

"Maybe they are waiting reinforcements too?" Ren suggested.

"Or maybe they are so deviously smart that they are playing a mind game with us! Or you know, the thought never actually occurred to them. Why we never did a move against them?" Nora asked as she played with her grenade launcher.

"Because I don't want to take unnecessary risks. We wait for the newbie then we plan an attack… and Nora, stop playing with the grenade launcher!"

"Pfft, calm down oh fearless leader, the safety lock is on!" Nora statement was followed by a grenade firing between Jaune and Ren and exploding a role in the side of the base. "Wait… is red on or off… Anyway, I always wanted a window there, to get the morning sun!"

"Put the damn weapon down!"

* * *

"Can you all stop screaming! And exploding! I was sleeping!"

"Hey Blake! By sleeping you mean reading those smut books?"

"They are not smut, Yang. They are sophisticated literature for adults." Blake defended her smut books.

"As long as you keep them from Ruby."

"I'm not a child! I'm your commanding officer! I can deal with adult stuff!"

"So we can take the night lamp from the corridor to the bathroom?"

"That's not a night lamp, it's a tactical light in case we are attacked at night and need to see our enemies!"

"You know, I don't remember ever seeing this place at night…" Blake wondered.

"It's because we rise at sunrise and sleep at sundown." Ruby stated proudly.

"Wait… has any of you ever being assigned to night guard? You know, in case our enemies decide to attack us at night?" Weiss questioned and a long moment of silence followed.

* * *

"Ah, there's the drop ship." Jaune said as they watched a Pelican maneuvering on top of their base. "Hope the new recruit is nice."

"I hope it's a bear! A bear soldier! With laser chainsaws for arms! Or pancakes!" Nora said and Jaune and Ren ignored her.

"As long as the new guy isn't a sociopathic AI in a robotic body." Ren added, and Jaune stared at him.

"That's a very specific example."

"Well…"

"Oh, here comes new meat!" Nora yelled as the Pelican's doors opened and someone simple dropped from it from the several meters above them… at least a hundred meters. The new soldier just landed in front of them leaving a crack on the ceiling of the base.

"I'm Lt. Pyrrha Nikos, assigned to the Juniper team in the Beacon Canyon." The soldier said as she removed her helmet, revealing the beautiful redhead underneath.

"I… uh… hello?" Jaune barely was able to say.

"Damn, I hope this crack don't become an infiltration." Ren added as he stared at the ceiling.

* * *

"What was that?!" Yang asked.

"Oh, it's a soldier. They now have four." Ruby explained simply.

"Did she just jumped from a Pelican from a hundred meters and landed uninjured?" Yang asked.

"Yep."

"Nope. I'm going back to sleep." Yang answered Ruby and returned to base.

* * *

 **A.N.: Yep, I felt like doing this. Might as well do it an ongoing thing every time I feel witty. Besides, both RvB and RWBY are great. XD**


	2. Spy VS Spy Part One

"It's a pleasure to meet you and your team, Captain Arc." Pyrrha said as she put her helmet back on.

"Jaune, she's talking to you." Ren warned his frozen captain with a small shove.

"Oh, yeah, right. Me. Oh… err… hello."

"Hello again." She chirped happily.

"I'm Jaune. Jaune Arc. Short, sweet, rolls of the tongue, girls love it." He said and then face palmed.

"I like it, Jaune-Jaune!" Nora offered and Pyrrha giggled briefly.

"Well, OK… uhhh… well…"

"Maybe you should start with presentations." Ren suggested.

"Oh, yeah, right. This is Corporal Lie Ren, our infiltration expert." Jaune presented and Ren just nodded. "And the crazy one is Sergeant Nora Valkyrie... keep any explosives away from her. We are the Blue army, team Juniper guarding Beacon Canyon."

"I'll let you know I passed the sanity test!" Nora answered as she tried to use her hammer to play golf with grenades.

"NORA PUT THE HAMMER DOWN! So… hmmm… Pyrrha… can I call you Pyrrha?"

"Well, you're the CO, so I think is in your prerogative, sir."

"Great! I mean… we are pretty lax here so… yeah; first names are good you know. Strengthening the camaraderie, you know? Anyway… Pyrrha, Command told me you're quite talented."

"I can provide a demonstration if you want."

"Yeah, that would be awesome! I mean… sure. Anytime you want is good to me." There were the sounds of explosions on the background. "After I make sure Nora is alive and I take the explosives from her."

* * *

"Command, here is Captain Ruby Rose from the Red army team RWBY. Come in Command!"

"Why are we called that? It feels so egocentric to name our team with your name!" Weiss complained.

"It's not my name! It's the initials of our first names put together!"

"Why not our last names?"

"Because I couldn't make a name with them that wasn't us spelling each letter… and I am not sure if Yang's last name is just Long or if I need to add the Xiao... Command, come in!"

" _Hey! Here's is Red Command! How're you doing, dude?_ "

"Oh, we're fine. I mean, we could use more cookies, you know? And how are you?"

"Ruby!"

"Sorry! Command, we're reporting that enemy team received reinforcements!"

" _Oh… that sounds… bad, dude. How good are the reinforcements?_ "

"We don't know."

" _Oh then that's good! Maybe they got an idiot, dude! I heard Blue army have a surplus of those! So! You better check the newbie first and we can work from there! Command over!_ "

"Understood Command. Over. Alright, Crescent Rose and I will spy on the Blues!" Ruby declared as she aimed her rifle at Juniper's base.

"Can you stop treating your rifle like a person? But maybe Command is right and we got the luck of Blue team getting an idiot."

* * *

"You're really good with manual labor." Jaune praised Ren while they stood in a complete obstacle course.

"You learn a lot fixing what Nora destroy. And thank you for keeping her busy."

"Nothing that telling her to count the crickets in a tree can't solve."

"HEY! I COUNTED YOU BEFORE! ARE YOU TRYING TO TRICK ME?!" Came the loud voice from a tree.

"Now, Pyrrha! As you know the average soldier should finish the standard obstacle course in two minutes. So, you can start and I'll time you."

"Understood." Pyrrha said getting in position.

"OK… Ready… GO!" Jaune yelled and a series of explosions, gunfire and the sound of horses could be heard before Pyrrha returned. "And time!"

"How was it?" She asked and Jaune checked the chronometer.

"Holy shit!"

* * *

"Holy shit! That new guy finished the obstacle course in like fifteen seconds!"

"But that's impossible! My best time is just under a minute!" Weiss screech as she saw the smoke coming from the Blue base.

"Hey guys. Any news from the front?" Yang came from inside the base, lazily.

"Their new guy finished an obstacle course in fifteen seconds!" Ruby informed her sister.

"And back to nap time I go." Yang turned immediately.

"Command, come in Command!" Ruby called.

" _Hey there, dude! That was quick!"_

"Not as quick as the new guy the Blues got! He's insanely strong!"

" _Wait… really? I mean... I'm sure you all can handle it, dude!"_

"Can you send some reinforcements? If possible a tank?"

" _Oh, sorry, but all our tanks are reserved. But you can always build the robot we sent you, dude._ "

" _Command, come in Command. Here's Blue base. Can you hear us Command?_ "

"Wait… what is that?"

" _Damn it! I mean… it's just us monitoring enemy communication! I have to go, so you better build that robot! Bye!_ "

"A robot?" Ruby wondered while staring at Weiss.

* * *

"We had a robot kit all this time and you used as a coffee table?!" Weiss asked Blake as they stared at the robot kit box inside the base.

"Hey, no one was using it." Blake defended herself.

"You know, I just need the stuff inside it, not the box?" Ruby commented and Blake eyed her.

"Oh… yeah… that could work."

"OK then, Weiss, you help me with the robot. Blake, take Yang and go spy on the enemy."

"Spy? With Yang?"

"Of course! She's your backup!"

"Spy… with Yang?"

"Oh… Well… Good luck with that." Ruby answered and took the box with Weiss, while Blake groaned and got to wake Yang up.

* * *

"OK, Ren, go spy the Reds. A good intel is key to win the war."

"Are you sure you two can take care of Nora?" Ren asked and Jaune stared at Pyrrha.

"I'm pretty confident we can. Now, be careful, we don't need to give them the advantage of a hostage."

"Have you thought of sending Nora? I mean, if they do manage to capture her, I'd still count that as a win." Ren questioned. Explosions in the background, followed by Nora with her hammer in flames.

"Oops. Who could know that hitting a powder keg with another powder keg would cause this…"

"Why she have access to the armory again? Actually… why we use weapons that fire bullets? Shouldn't we have laser weapons by now? Like laser swords?" Jaune questioned.

"Laser swords sound stupid." Ren affirmed and the captain scoffed.

"I think it's very cool. Now you better get going, I have to talk with your girlfriend."

"She's not my girlfriend, but go ahead." Ren answered before walking in the direction of the other base.

"Captain?" Jaune turned to see Pyrrha approaching.

"Hey, Pyrrha. Have you found your room?"

"Yes, actually… but room isn't the word I would use for it. In fact, I noticed our base have too many openings and not much of an internal structure. I mean, my 'room' is just a big sheet with my name written in it… With a very nice calligraphy, though."

"Glad you liked it. Mom made me practice it a lot. Actually, we didn't build the bases, they were just… kind of here."

"IT WAS THE ALIENS!" Nora yelled as she came running, her hammer still in flames. "They even built a net of tunnels under the canyon!"

"Nora, we discussed this before, there are no tunnels under our canyon, it's just a dream you had." Jaune explained to her.

"One day I'll find them, and I'll eat all their pancakes and not share with you!" She said as she ran towards the waterfall.

"Actually, I heard about alien ruins scattered on this system." Pyrrha informed.

"I think it's just a rumor. We have being here for months and saw nothing like that. But don't tell Nora, she's hard to control as is."

"Understood. So… what do we do while we wait Ren to come back."

"I… well... uhh… How about I show you around? Have you seen our waterfall DAMN IT NORA WHY ARE YOU NAKED AGAIN!"

* * *

"OK, Yang. You stay here, hidden behind this rock and make no sound at all. I'll go spy on the Blues. Keep the radio on if I need back up." Blake informed her partner.

"You know… why we just don't ask for an airstrike and get rid of them?" Yang asked.

"Because… I don't know. Maybe they have something Command wants."

"Really? They never do anything… except for the pink one."

"Look, I'll discover what the Blues are doing and you stay quiet."

"Oh, I can do it! Watch this!" immediately she dropped on the ground and start snoring.

"The best soldiers in all Galaxy they said. You'll have no problems they said." Blake complained and move from the rock… to get face to face with Ren. They stared at each other for a few moments.

"So… You come here often?"


	3. Spy VS Spy Part Deux

-Ren and Blake are locked in a staring contest-

"FREEZE!" They yell at each other while pointing their guns.

"I caught you, spy!" Blake affirmed.

"No, I caught you, spy." Ren answered back before noticing a weird loud sound. "Wait... what is this sound? It's like a construction site…"

"Nothing." Blake affirmed as she ignored Yang's snoring.

"You're hiding something. And since I caught you, you'll show me."

"First, it was me that caught you. Second, suck it, Blue."

"You know, I'm not the only one of my team here." Ren affirmed, and in the distance they heard an explosion from the vicinity of Blue base.

"You were saying?"

"What? That was Nora. We are more than two!"

"Oh really? I don't believe you."

"We are four, and the new girl is a kickass fighter. In fact if she was here…" Ren suddenly stopped talking.

"Hey, no need stop giving up sensitive information because of me."

"I hate you."

"So she's not here. Thanks for the info. Now, about the 'who caught who' matter…

* * *

"Use the tool c to connect the servomotor 1 to the battery colored yellow… Weiss, did you see the tool c?"

"No, Ruby, I didn't."

"But you were supposed to separate the needed tools and pieces!" Ruby protested.

"I'm not an engineer. Building things is not in my job description. I might break a nail."

"But you're wearing armor! With gloves! Power gloves!"

"And I don't want to dirty it! You know how hard is to clean a white armor?"

"Then why you chose that color? In fact, why am I the only member of this team who wear the Red army colors?"

"I'm just expressing myself!"

"You know someone could confuse you with a Blue! Your armor does have blue details… Wait… Are you a Blue? Are you a spy?" Ruby slowly raised her pistol.

"Of course not you dolt! If I was I'd already have murdered you all in your sleep! Not that the temptation never occurred to me…"

"Wait… what?"

"Nothing! Besides, if I was a spy, so would be the lightish red girl in the opposing team."

"You mean pink."

"Pink is just a lightish red."

"No it's not. It's pink."

* * *

"Nora, what are the three rules I have for you?" Jaune asked as he stared at the energetic girl.

"Don't drink coffee, ever."

"And?"

"Not play with explosives."

"And?"

"Hmm… not murdering you in your sleep?"

"No, but that's now your fourth rule. The third rule is never, ever getting naked in open spaces and/or in public."

"Why? Am I ugly?"

"No, you're a beautiful young woman. And I'm a healthy young man…"

"Thank heavens, since we don't have a medic here."

"Mental note, ask Command for one. Nora, we'll be deployed here for a long time, and I respect you. But I'm a straight man and I'm attracted to girls, and you're, with your pardon, attractive. It makes really hard to focus on our mission when you walk butt naked around."

"Oh, do you like my back bumpers? How about my tattoo?"

"NOT THE POINT! The point is, I don't want things to be awkward around us. Besides, our enemies have sniper rifles and they could try to shot you while you're bathing naked. So please, I don't want to lose any person under my command. Put your armor on."

"Wait… you're really worried about me?"

"Of course I am! You're my teammate! Besides, I don't want to inform Ren his girlfriend got killed while naked!"

"Oh… Ren and I aren't together… together… hehe."

"Yeah, yeah, whatever. Now can you put the armor on?!"

* * *

"Almost finished. Now all I need is the voice module!" Ruby celebrated and started looking around. "Which one of those is the voice module?"

"Ruby, why there's so many parts unused?"

"Oh, you know how it is when you buy a chair or a table from a DIY store. They always send a few spares."

"This isn't a DIY store! It's the Army! I doubt they send spare parts!"

"Of course they do! For example, they sent us twelve perimeter sensors! We just needed eight!"

"No you dunce, we needed all twelve! What you did with the rest of the sensors?"

"I put it on our Warthog as parking sensors! You suck at parking."

* * *

"I'm taking you to my base." Ren said.

"I'm taking you to ours. Besides, I did actually came up with backup!" As soon as Blake said it the snoring stopped.

"Man, sleeping outside sucks. Hey, Blakey! I'm going back to base! If you see any of the Blues give me a call!" Yang yelled and they heard steps going away.

"You were saying?" Ren asked.

* * *

"I'm dressed!" Nora announced and Jaune sighed.

"Thank you, Nora. And thank you for helping me put the explosives away, Pyrrha. I know it's probably not something a soldier of your caliber is used to do but…"

"Jaune, it's alright. I'm a soldier like all of you. In fact, I feel more… at ease doing the same things as all of you."

"Oh… well, I'm really glad you're one of us. But why your armor is… well… bronze and red?"

"I'm not sure. Command said I was being in a special assignment and I could choose my colors."

"Really? Command has a weird way to do things. Someone could mix you up with the Reds... not that their armor color scheme makes sense... or ours..." Jaune wondered as he put the box of grenades in the locker, but one of them fell down.

"I got it!" Nora said as she grabbed it from the floor. "Weird… it's a really tiny grenade."

"That's not the grenade, Nora, it's just its pin… meaning." Jaune stared at the now armed grenade on the floor. "HIT THE DECK!"

"Who's deck?" Nora asked and Jaune pushed her down on the ground. Pyrrha grabbed the grenade and tossed it through the hole Nora made earlier.

"Hey, good arm! And quick reflexes! Thanks, Pyrrha!" Jaune said as he got up with Nora.

"OOOOOOHHH! Do you think it will reach Red base?" Nora asked.

"I don't think so. It probably will fall harmless in the middle of the way." Pyrrha said.

* * *

"You can't take me as a prisoner. I'm taking you." Ren calmly informed Blake while they stood in the stand-off, guns pointed at each other.

"No, I can. You're coming with me."

"How?"

"I'll shoot your kneecaps and drag you."

"No."

"I can defeat you."

"No."

"Yes." At that moment a grenade landed between them. "Son of a…"

* * *

"How long this will take?" Weiss asked as Ruby was still working with the robot.

"A few more minutes."

"It's taking too long."

"Look, the voice module is the most complex component. One mistake and our robot will be talking in Spanish, and I don't speak Spanish. So unless you do speak Spanish, I want to be careful."

"I actually speak Spanish and twelve other languages. _Chica tonta_."

"Nerd." Then they heard an explosion. "What was that?"

"I don't know, maybe the _rosada_ finally exploded herself."

"Stop speaking Spanish! I know how to use the Google Translate and I'll check what you're saying later!"

" _Red base! Red Base come in!"_

* * *

"Let me get this straight… you fell in an underground cave network?"

" _I think all caves are underground, captain, and yes_." Ren informed Jaune.

"I'm sorry!" Pyrrha said over the radio.

" _I'm fine, but I can't get out of my own, so can you come with a rope or something?_ "

"Right away!" Jaune turned to see Nora staring at him. "Alright… Nora, I'm sorry I doubted you about the caves."

"I told you! Now come on, we need to find Ren before the aliens get him and make horrible experiments with him! Or worse, they run out of pancakes!" Nora said as she dragged Jaune and Pyrrha followed.

* * *

"Hey girls!" Yang said as Ruby came out of the base with Weiss and both dragged her. "What's the hurry?"

"Blake fell into a cave and we need to rescue her!" Ruby informed. "Apparently there is a Blue with her!"

"Wait, they actually did something? Finally a chance for a fight!" Yang said while cocking her shotgun.

"Are we sure we want to leave our base unattended?" Weiss questioned.

"It'll be fine! That's why we installed those motion sensors!" Ruby said and Weiss growled but followed anyway.

Behind them, in the base, someone in grey and black armor with green highlights appeared.


	4. Are We Friends?

"OK, according to Ren's last coordinates he must be woaaaahhh!" Jaune almost felt down the hole the grenade opened but Pyrrha saved him. "Thanks, Pyrrha."

"RENNY! ARE YOU THERE?! DID YOU FOUND ALIENS? DO THEY HAVE PANCAKES? IF THEY DO MAKE SLOTH NOISES!"

"Nora, I don't think aliens do pancakes or sloth makes any kind of noise." Jaune tried to explain to her.

"You were wrong about the caves, Jaune-Jaune, so obviously you're wrong about sloths and alien pancakes."

"Obviously." Jaune groaned and stared down the hole. "That's one deep hole. Like my bank account. How we'll get down there?"

"We can use the towing cables of the Warthog." Pyrrha suggested.

"The what?" Jaune asked while staring at Pyrrha.

"The Warthog? You know… the military jeep-slash-car with the turret?"

"Oh, you mean the Puma!" Jaune said in understanding.

"Puma?"

"Yeah, it does look like a big cat after all and not a warthog." Jaune added.

"We had a voting, and sadly Slothmobile lost two against one. I still think the voting was rigged." Nora explained and Pyrrha just nodded slowly.

"Anyway, Pyrrha is right, let's get the car first." Jaune said and led his team back to the base. Seconds later Ruby and her team arrived with their Warthog.

"That's one big hole! I can't see the end!"

"Like my bank account." Weiss said back to Ruby as they got out of the vehicle.

"Yeah, we got it, you're rich. I'm more worried about Blake. Blake! Can you hear me?!" Static filled Yang's radio. "I think the stone is too thick and she isn't close to the hole! Quick, hook the car's cable on me and low me slowly!"

"Alright!" Ruby said as she sat back on the driver's seat. Yang grabbed the hook and locked it around her waist. "Are you ready?"

"Yeah!" Yang said before the cable pulled her against the Warthog. "Owww…."

"Sorry! Wrong pedal! Why these things have six of them?" Ruby wondered.

"Ruby!" Yang yelled and the smaller girl let go of the pedal. With that Yang sighed and jumped on the hole while the warthog controlled her fall.

" _I'm on ground!_ " Yang announced via radio. " _You all need to see this place!_ "

"On it!" Ruby answered as she grabbed the steel cable and zipped down.

"I think someone needs to stay here!" Weiss shouted. "To guard the car!" Then she heard loud music and the sound of an engine. "Or maybe not…" With that she jumped after her team. The Blue's jeep stopped at the edge of the hole and Jaune jumped from the passenger seat.

"Nora, next time we won't go around trying to find a drive-thru!" he chastised her.

"But I was hungry!"

"Guys… someone came here with their Warthog first." Pyrrha called them and pointed to the vehicle.

"Oh shit! I'm going first! Pyrrha, you follow me and Nora…"

"WEEEE!" Nora 'bungie-jumped' into the role.

"Why do I even try…"

* * *

"Wow! So pretty!" Ruby said as she wandered with her team in the glittering crystal cave.

"I think we can make a good money mining those crystals and selling them around." Weiss added her two cents.

"We'll get to get-rich-quick schemes later. I want my Blakey!" Yang said staring at Ruby and Weiss before turning back… and almost bumping in Blake. "Gah! Damn it Blake! You're silent as a cat!"

"Yeah… that is why I'm recon and you're not. Thank you for your backup with the Blue spy, by the way."

"Are you alright? Are you hurt? Do you need a medic?" Ruby asked as she checked her friend.

"I'm fine, I landed on my feet. And do we even have a medic?"

"We really need to ask Command for one." Weiss stated.

"Where's the Blue spy?" Yang asked as she searched around.

"He ran away after we fell. Sneak one."

"Oh, I love hunting!" Yang cocking her shotgun.

"You know every time you do this you lose a perfectly fine bullet, don't you?" Weiss questioned.

"REEEENYYYYY!"

"Damn it, it's the Blues! Quick, we need to hide!" Ruby ordered and the group followed her into one of the caves.

"Nora, stop yelling! You're telegraphing our position to the enemy!" Jaune shout whispered to her.

"Pffft. Don't be silly! I don't own a telegraph! Do people even still use them? I thought everything was done by internet nowadays."

"Nora, what I think Jaune means is that your yelling would bring the Reds to us and we better avoid it." Pyrrha gentle explained.

"Oh. Then we need to use some form of secret calling! Fast, can you imitate a sloth? Caww! Caww!" Jaune was on the verge of crying while Pyrrha patted his back.

* * *

"I don't think they will find us here." Ruby whispered with only her head showing from the entrance of the cave.

"Yes, but we need to go back to the hole to get out of here! And they are out there, scheming our demise!" Weiss said in a displeased tone.

"I think we can get them with the element of surprise." Blake suggested.

"And by that she means jumping on them guns ablaze!" Yang added.

"We can't just do that! They have that new girl!" Ruby said as she turned back inside the cave. "We need a plan! Team attacks! Cookies!"

"What we need is a better captain." Weiss said and Yang slapped the back of her head. "Hey!"

"My sister is a great captain!"

"No, it is not!"

"Girls…" Blake tried to call them.

"You're just envy she is the captain and not you." Yang growled back.

"Girls."

"You need to stop protecting her! She's not a little kid!

"Girls!"

"Yang, Weiss is right, I don't need your protection. Weiss, I'm the leader and I know what I'm doing, trust me."

"No you don't! Whoever put you in charge clearly made a mistake!"

"GIRLS!" Blake yelled.

"WHAT?!" they turned around as Blake pointed to a huge artifact of alien origin behind them, that looked like a weird kind of clock in a staff.

* * *

"OK, we need to find Ren first. Attacking them just the three of us would be stupid." Jaune said before setting his eyes on Pyrrha. "Or maybe not..."

"Jaune-Jaune, you aren't implying we won't put finding Ren as a priority?" Nora asked as she tightened her grip on her gravity hammer.

"Nooooo…" Jaune gulped hard but Nora relaxed.

"Good! I will go this way, and you go the other way!" Nora said and walked off, making Jaune sigh again.

"She sure has plenty of energy." Pyrrha commented.

"Sometimes too much. And I can't control her… I'm a failure of a captain…"

"You're not. Ren and Nora like you a lot."

"I know, but I want more than that. I want them to trust me, follow my orders, and respect me." Jaune complained and Pyrrha gently put a hand on his shoulder.

"Look, not all squads work well at the beginning, but war helps making everything closer. I'm sure you'll have the opportunity to show your leadership."

"You're an angel, you know that?" Jaune retorted in a chirpier tune. Pyrrha was glad she wore a helmet or he would see her blushing a little. "Alright let's…"

"Did you hear that?" Pyrrha asked as both heard a sound a sound and readied their guns. Jaune signalized with his hands and both walked around a crystal coming from the ground.

"Freeze! Ren?" Jaune lowered his weapon as he saw his friend.

"Hey."

"Are you alright?"

"Yeah."

"Good, let's call Nora and get out of here. This place is kinda creepy."

"GUYS! I FOUND REN!"

"Good work, Nora!... Wait… if Ren is here, who's the person Nora found…" Jaune wondered before the three of them rushed in the direction of the girl. There they found Nora holding a soldier over her head. The soldier wore gray armor with black details and green lights, and was rigid as a plank.

"Hey Renny! Look, I found you!" She declared as the group got together.

"Nora, this person isn't me." Ren explained calmly.

"Oh… so who are you?" Nora asked the figure.

"I'm an autonomous mobile soldier built by team RWBY of the Red Army. I lack a designation since my creator left before giving me one… Unless my designation is now 'Renny'." The soldier asked with a young female voice.

"No, you can't be Renny! Only Renny can be Renny! You can be… Penny!" Nora determined.

"Understood. From now on this unit will respond as Penny." She said rather happily.

"So, Penny… Why are you here?" Jaune asked.

"Is this a philosophical question or are you asking my mission?"

"The last one."

"I'm trying to find my maker."

"I said the last one."

"Indeed! I'm trying to find the person that built me! She's down here if my sensors is pointing correctly at their armor GPS."

"Oh… Really."

* * *

"So coooool!" Ruby shouted as she tried to grab the relic but Yang held her.

"Calm down, sis. I saw enough movies to know it's never a good idea to grab ancient relics like that."

"Awww…"

"Command will be really happy with this! They will probably promote all of us! And I'll end with my own team! And somewhere away from this boxed canyon!" Weiss declared as she laughed evilly.

"So, how we'll take it?" Blake questioned.

"I suggest we wrap a rope around and pull it from a safe distance."

"Yeah, that sounds WHO ARE YOU?" They all turned to Penny.

"It's our robot!" Ruby celebrated while she hugged Penny. "I told you it would work! And she is not speaking Spanish!"

" _Desafortunadamente_." Weiss complained.

"How you found us?" Yang asked.

"I entered the underground system by the cave behind our base hidden by the bushes. And your friends followed me here." Penny explained.

"Friends?" Ruby asked and she heard coughing and weapons cocking. They turned to see Jaune and his team pointing guns at them.

"Hello." Jaune said simply.


	5. POW

"How have you found us?!" Ruby asked Jaune.

"Oh, Penny brought us here."

"Penny? Why?"

"They said they were searching for you too, and asked if I could bring them with me. They said they had a message for you." Penny explained.

"Yeah, we do, and it says, 'Red team sucks, Blue rules'. Put the weapons down, and move away from the alien relic!" Jaune stated and Nora coughed. "Yes, Nora, you were right again."

"Thank you!" Nora celebrated.

"DIBS ON THE ALIEN RELIC!" Yang shouted.

"Damn! You can't do that! You're our prisoners, you can't call dibs!"

"Ha, I called dibs already!" Yang stated proudly.

"Alright… We'll review the International Dibs Protocol rules when we put you all in a cell." Jaune affirmed.

"Can I use the waterfall?"

"Damn it Yang!" Ruby yelled at her sister. "And Penny! They are our enemies!"

"Enemies?" Penny wondered.

"Yes, the opposite of friends!"

"How unfortunate… they treated me very nicely." Penny stated in a dejected tone.

"Sorry about it Penny. But this is war!" Nora declared.

"Now, put your guns down. I promise to treat you all in accordance with POW rules." Jaune stated.

"Can I shower in the waterfall? Because I really want to bath there… naked." Yang sultrily said to Jaune, who made a weird sound.

"YANG!" Her team yelled.

"What? If we're going to be prisoners, I want to at least try it once!"

"Oh, it's really nice! Just the right amount of chilly!" Nora said to Yang.

"I t-think that can be arranged." Jaune answered as his voice cracked and Yang cheered.

"Yang, stop that! We aren't surrendering!" Ruby said.

"You know we have the advantage here." Ren said and Ruby stared at them.

"Can't you just take one of us? You can have Weiss."

"Hey!"

"I don't think you understand your position, Capt. Rose." Pyrrha threatened.

"I know my position, I'm standing! I understand my position very well, thank you!" Ruby answered making team Juniper stare at each other for a moment.

"Enough with the chit-chat! Put your guns down! Everyone in this cave is coming with us!" Jaune yelled.

"Does that include the unknown life signs I'm detecting?" Penny asked.

"Of course it includes wait what?" Jaune asked the android.

"I'm detecting four unknown life forms." Penny informed them again.

"Hostiles?" Ruby asked. Then someone shot against them, hitting the ground.

"I think it's safe to say 'yes'." Penny concluded.

"EVERYBODY RUN!" Jaune and Ruby yelled and their teams did as ordered.

As they run around they failed to notice four figures in the shadows.

* * *

"What was that?!" Weiss asked as they were back in the canyon, through the passage Penny found earlier.

"Readings weren't precise enough to determine that." She answered.

"I bet it was the aliens! I hope they brought pancakes! Do you think they use real sap on theirs?"

"What are you doing here? And where's Yang?" Ruby asked the pink armored girl.

* * *

"Wait… there was a hidden entrance behind the waterfall all this time?" Jaune asked to no one in special as his team emerged from the caves. "Nora, how you never noticed it… You're not Nora!"

"Nope!" Yang answered. "I think I just got lost in the confusion and ended following you guys."

"At least we captured one of them." Ren deadpanned.

"Yeah, and it means they might have Nora. Ren, you and I will go retrieve our Puma first. Them we will go to red base to negotiate trading Nora back. Pyrrha, keep an eye on the prisoner. Shoot her if you need to."

"I don't think that will be a problem, since she is removing her armor." Pyrrha stated but Jaune refused to turn around.

"Just keep her under control. I'll be back soon. Come on Ren, we're going to get your girlfriend back."

"Not my girlfriend." Ren said as he followed.

"Oh, she was right! This waterfall is great! You should try it. I bet it will make your captain happy." Yang said and Pyrrha started gagging.

* * *

"Attention everyone! The blues are coming in their warthog! Which remind me we need to get ours back." Ruby commented.

"Is Yang with them?" Blake asked with a small hint of worry on her voice.

"Nope." Ruby answered popping the 'p'. "She's in their base… taking a bath naked in the waterfall."

"Because of course she is! I swear you're the worst bunch of soldiers I ever met!" Weiss complained.

"You never met a guy named Michael, have you?" Blake questioned.

"You're all complaining because you never took a naked bath there. It's really that good." Nora affirmed.

"Why are you here?! Weren't you supposed to be in the cell?!" Weiss asked as she pointed her gun at the pink armored girl.

"Oh, she broke the cell doors." Penny informed them. "I tried to convince her to stay put, but she said she didn't like small spaces."

"Or clothes." Blake deadpanned.

"You're a prisoner! You're supposed to stay in a cell!" Weiss yelled at Nora.

"Jaune-Jaune allowed your friend to use my waterfall. I don't see why I need to be in a cell." Nora answered back and there was a minute long silence. Then the sound of music and brakes.

"Hey Reds! We come to negotiate a trade! Our prisoner for yours!" Jaune shouted from the car while Ren was in the turret.

"And what more you are offering?" Ruby questioned.

"Are… are you serious?" Jaune questioned back.

* * *

"That was the best bath ever!" Yang affirmed, back in her armor. "Honestly, I hope Ruby can negotiate our access to it."

"Isn't her your sister? Wouldn't she be worried in getting you back no matter what?" Pyrrha questioned.

"Nah, she's one tough cookie to crumble. Hm, they do say you're what you eat. Anyway, two guys, two girls. Who with who?"

"Sorry… What?"

* * *

"FOR THE LAST TIME I'M NOT GIVING YOU ACCESS TO THE WATERFALL! IT'S LITERALLY BEHIND OUR BASE!"

"Don't be mean! It's just an itsy bitsy concession!" Ruby said back.

"You want us to retrieve your vehicle, clean it, put all our cookies inside..."

"Don't forget the fish!" Blake shouted.

"...fish and that we do a little dance to give us Nora back!" Jaune yelled.

"Exactly! Not so hard!"

"Aren't we forgetting about Sergeant Yang?" Penny questioned.

"Oh yeah… We want Yang back." Ruby added.

"You know, or we could keep your vehicle. Then we would have the prisoner and the Puma." Ren said calmly.

"What's a Puma?" Ruby questioned.

"It's a type of big cat." Penny explained.

"We want it too!" Ruby said in glee.

"Renny! Don't let they have our pancakes! They only have cookies here and I ate half of them already!" Nora said as she munched in a cookie. Ruby twitched and pointed her rifle at the girl before Weiss made her point it down.

"Look! Just get Yang here and we'll trade!"

"I don't know…" Jaune mocked them.

"TAKE HER AWAY FROM MY COOKIES BEFORE I SHOOT HER DEAD!" Ruby yelled back.


	6. New Players

"Alright, we have an agreement. We'll return Yang and she'll be allowed to retrieve your car, and you'll free Nora UNHARMED." Jaune resumed as Ruby was still pointing her gun at Nora, who on the other hand was hiding behind Blake.

"YES! AS LONG AS YOU DO IT QUICK!" Ruby growled at them.

"Fine, we're going. Nora, behave." Jaune warned his teammate.

"Fine! But you better have pancakes when I get back!" Nora said and Ruby growled at her loudly. Ren and Jaune left in the car.

"I hope they do it fast so we can resume this war." Weiss said as she tried to calm Ruby down.

"Yes, because I know exactly who I want to shoot!" Ruby said towards Nora, who simply giggled back.

"You know, we'd better worry about whoever shot us back there and the alien relic." Blake suggested.

"Oh yeah, that… Damn, I should have asked the Blues to grab that for us." Ruby lamented.

* * *

"But I don't wanna!" Yang protested as she was informed of the trade back. "You have the waterfall! And that beautiful calligraphy on the cell!"

"And they said girls don't dig a beautiful cursive. Anyway… Yang, we want our friend back, and I'm sure you'd rather be with your friends." Jaune informed their prisoner.

"Yeah, yeah… Probably Weiss would kill my sister if I'm not there. But can I come here and take a bath from time to time?"

"You know we're your enemies, right?" Pyrrha questioned.

"Pffft. I just got in the army to punch people and protect Ruby. She's kind of a weapon's geek, so I'm sure she just got in the army to use all the cool stuff." Yang explained.

"Look, you seem cool and all, but we're fighting for different objectives. I think this little unexpected truce won't last." Jaune added.

"Fine! By the way, why are we fighting again?" Yang asked. "I probably slept in that briefing."

"How can you not know why we're fighting?! It's because..." Pyrrha stopped middle sentence.

"Now that you mentioned…" Ren commented.

"Look, I'll take Yang to her base and we'll talk about it when we come back. Come on, Yang." Jaune prompted and the two walked away.

"You have no idea too, right?" Yang asked and Jaune groaned.

* * *

"Here she is! Now can we have Nora back?" Jaune asked Ruby.

"I dunno..." Ruby said innocently.

"Nora, do you know you can transform cookies in pancakes?"

"Wait… REALLY?!" Nora said energetically.

"NO! GO AWAY!" Ruby ordered as she pointed her gun. With this Nora and Jaune left, leaving Yang and the warthog behind.

"And the bad pervert home returns." Weiss said sarcastically.

"You have no idea how nice that bath was! I never felt so clean in my whole life! Anyway, what we do now?"

"We do have an extra soldier. I suggest we try to take the Blues right now." Blake said unenthusiastically.

"Nope! We need to retrieve the alien relic first!" Ruby said.

"You mean the one guarded by people trying to shoot us?" Yang asked.

"Yep."

"Count me in!" Yang said as she pumped her shotgun.

"STOP DOING THAT!" Weiss angrily shouted.

* * *

"Boop!" Nora said as soon as she arrived, after touching Ren's helmet with her finger. "Did ya miss me?"

"Of course." Ren said knowing better than question his friend. "Come on Nora, I made you pancakes."

"Yessssss!" She celebrated and skipped inside the base, followed by Ren.

"I'm glad she's back. Once you get used to her, you know, you start missing it. Anyway, how was with Yang?"

"I… I think it was… nice." Pyrrha said trying yo not remember all the insinuations and innuendo Yang threw at her. "I'm so glad we wear helmets..." She whispered since she was blushing right now.

"Oh, glad she didn't gave you trouble. So, suggestions of what we should do now? I mean, we did left the alien relic back there." Jaune wondered.

"What about we call Command? They probably will want a report." Pyrrha suggested.

" _Blue Base, come in, Blue base, here's Command."_

"Uh, talk about timing… Command, here's Capt. Arc of Juniper team." Jaune answered the call.

" _Hey, how are you dude?_ "

"I'm fine, I guess. A little trouble with the Reds but we solved it already. By the way…. Why are we fighting them again?"

" _Oh… yeah… Because they're evil, dude! They kick puppies and tell children Santa is not real!_ "

"The bastards!"

* * *

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN SANTA ISN'T REAL?!" Ruby teared up and Yang slapped Weiss head in the back.

"Way to go ice queen!"

"How could I even know no one told her that?! How's this is even my fault!?"

* * *

" _Yeah dude! Total bastards!_ "

"Jaune, I think were getting sidetracked..." Pyrrha suggested.

"Oh yeah… Command, we found an alien relic in a series of caves underneath our bases, but we were attacked by unidentified enemies. Waiting instructions."

" _Oh that was bad, dude. Is the relic still there?_ "

"We have no idea."

" _OK, go check it out and report. Over, dude._ "

"Over. Well, let's go check that thing. I'm so glad you're with me." Jaune's word made Pyrrha feel happy. "REN! NORA! PYRRHA AND ME ARE GOING TO CHECK THE CAVES. YOU TWO BEHAVE."

"DON'T DO ANYTHING I WOULDN'T!" Came back Nora's response.

"I'M MORE WORRIED ABOUT YOU TWO!"

"WE AREN'T TOGETHER-TOGETHER!" Nora answered in a weird tone for her.

"I'll never understand those two. Anyway… How about you tell me about yourself?" Jaune asked Pyrrha as both walked back into the caves.

"Me?" Pyrrha inquired back.

"Yeah, I mean, there's probably more to you than just being awesome as a soldier. Why don't you tell me about your favorite stuff like food, movies..."

"That would be grand." She answered, once again happy Jaune couldn't see the biggest smile she ever had.

* * *

"Ruby, come out!" Yang pleaded in front of Ruby's room.

"You lied to me! What you will tell me next? That there's no Tooth Fairy? Easter Bunny?" Blake and Weiss stared judgmentally at Yang. She gave back a nervous chuckle.

"Hey, don't judge me! How I was supposed to break those news to her? Do you see the puppy eyes? The cuteness is strong on her!" The blonde tried to defend herself.

"You know, we might as well let you two sort this out. Weiss and I will check the alien relic to see if it's still there." Blake said and get out with Weiss in tow.

"Ruby… I'm sorry I didn't told you what's real people and what's fake people. I swear I'll tell you everything now." Yang said.

"And?"

"Ugh… I'm bringing the cookies!"

* * *

"Not here." Jaune stated the obvious. "Do you think the Reds or the unidentified enemies took it?"

"I'm not sure." Pyrrha said as she scanned the place. "No signs of anyone else. Should we go back and inform Command?"

"Eh, I think we should."

"FREEZE!" They turned around and saw Blake and Weiss pointing guns at them. "Give us the relic!"

"We don't have it!" Jaune said as his voice crackled.

"Yeah, right. Why would us believe you? You're the enemy!" Weiss stated.

"Why would we be here if we had the relic?" Pyrrha countered.

"She has a point." Blake agreed.

"What side are you again?" Weiss growled.

"You shouldn't question it when your armor is more blue than anything." Blake retorted.

"How dare you! My armor color don't reflect my loyalty! Or else we should question her loyalties!" Weiss yelled and pointed at Pyrrha.

"She's not red! It's more like a maroon!" Jaune defended Pyrrha.

"Yeah, I bet you just want to screw her like the pink nudist one."

"I'll let you know I respect my teammates. Besides, Yang also took her armor off."

"Don't remind me." Weiss lamented.

* * *

"I don't think they have the relic." A man in dark gray armor informed while holding a spying device.

"It was one of them that took it during that mess. I told you to not shoot them."

"But I haven't shot anyone in so long! Besides, no one will miss them!"

"Shut it up you all. We just need to call Command and make them assign us to one of those teams, then we take the relic if it's with them, or make them kill themselves trying to get it for us. And that Blue guy seems like stupid enough to not notice it." Another gray guy said, this one with a golden eagle in his chest.


	7. Spec-OOPS

"You know, we really need to meet like this. We need to create a system about it, maybe send a letter beforehand..."

"Shut up, Blue! Now tell us where the alien relic is!" Weiss shrieked at Jaune.

"It's not with us! Are you sure it's not with you?"

"Of course I'm sure! We would notice if it wasn't with us!" Weiss answered.

* * *

"Ruby will be so happy when I tell her I recovered the alien artifact! I just need to clean it!" Penny happily told herself as she polished the object.

* * *

"You better tell us before I start firing!" Weiss threatened. Jaune and Pyrrha stared at each other.

"So… do you think…" he started.

"I think so. Just need an opportunity." Pyrrha answered.

"What are you plotting?" Weiss asked.

"Oh, nothing, snow angel. So, you know, I have a waterfall, they say it's nice and I was wondering if both of us could, I don't know, take a bath, together, naked?" Jaune asked with a fake confident tone.

"Wha… I… wha… you..." Weiss stuttered and Pyrrha used the opening to hit her with the back of her gun, knocking her out, then pointing the gun at Blake.

"I think I'll take her with me and let you two go." She said to Pyrrha and Jaune.

"I think that is a good idea." Pyrrha said and Blake dragged the unconscious Weiss with her.

"Good job partner! Let's go back..." Pyrrha stared at him briefly before going away without saying a word. "Pyrrha?"

* * *

"They said they don't have the relic, then the new girl knocked Weiss out after their captain flirted with her… rather poorly." Blake debriefed the situation to Ruby and Yang.

"Owww… even with the helmet I'm having a killer headache..." Weiss complained.

"The bastard!" Yang started.

"Yeah!" Weiss supported.

"If he wanted someone to take a bath naked with him he just needed to ask me!"

"YEAH wait WHAT?!" Weiss turned to the yellow girl.

"I wouldn't mind! I miss the waterfall already!"

"I hate you!"

"Girls, we have more urging problems. If the Blues weren't lying about not having the relic, who have it?" Ruby questioned.

"I bet it's the people who shot us. Oh well, we probably will never see them again." Yang concluded.

* * *

"Why are you angry?" Jaune asked Pyrrha, but she refused to answer. "Come on, don't make me pull rank on you!"

"What bit her?" Nora asked.

"I don't know. The Reds tried to ambush us and she took care of it, but since them she has refused to speak with me." Jaune explained, then turned to Pyrrha. "Please, if I offended you somehow, I'm sorry!"

"It's just… why you said that to her?" Pyrrha finally spoke.

"I was just trying to throw her off! And it worked! It meant nothing!" Jaune voice crackled as he defended himself.

"Did you really have to invite her to take a naked bath in the waterfall?" Pyrrha asked in a hurt tone.

"Pyrrha, it was OUCH!" Jaune fell down as Nora hit him with the gravity hammer. "Whyyyy…."

"Hmph!" Nora simple turned around and entered the base.

" _Blue Base! Here's Command, can you hear Blue Base?_ "

"Here's Captain Arc… owww…."

" _Good to hear you, dude! Listen, did you recovered the relic?_ "

"No. We think the mysterious attackers have it."

" _Oh no, dude, the Reds have it according to intel._ "

"But… they said they don't have it..."

" _Dude, they're the enemy! They're a bunch of liars!_ "

* * *

"By the way, did you told Ruby about all the legends that aren't actually real?" Blake asked Yang.

"My whole life was a lie..." Ruby murmured.

"I'll take that as a yes." Blake assumed.

"Let me test it." Weiss offered. "Ruby, where babies come from?"

"Oh, storks! Dad told me when two people are in love with each other they send a message during the night and nine months later the stork delivers the baby. Though he never explained to me why the mommies get so fat while waiting..." As Ruby finished speaking Blake and Weiss turned back to Yang.

"Oh, no, that one is definitely not on me! And I won't tell her! You poked this nest, ice queen, you tell her!"

* * *

" _So, we're sending a spec-ops team to your base and they're taking the lead, dude! Help them the best you can! Over._ "

"Oh, that's just peachy! Spec-ops guys are a bunch of douches." Jaune said while sighing. "At least is not Freelancers, heard stories about them."

"Do you think the spec-ops will arrive soon?" Ren questioned and as he finished talking two ATVs stopped in front of the base carrying four men in gray and black armor, one of them with an eagle in the chest.

"Special Operations team Cardinal. Major Cardin Winchester and now you're my bitches!" The man with the eagle declared.

"Command really work fast..." Ren deadpanned.

"Great..." Jaune lamented.

* * *

"Ruby, come on! You can't stay in your room forever!" Yang pleaded.

"YES I CAN! NO ONE IS STICKING ANYTHING IN ME AND PUTTING A BABY INSIDE ME!"

"They better not if they want to keep something to stick with! Come on, you're a captain of the Red army! You can't just lock yourself in your room!"

"WATCH ME!"

"Can I be captain now?" Weiss asked but it was ignored.

"Guys, the Blues got more people, some gray guys!" Blake shouted from the roof.

"How do you know?" Weiss asked back.

"They are all reunited at the roof of their base."

"No, I mean, how you are watching them?"

"Oh, I'm using the sniper rifle."

"Hands off my baby!" Ruby yelled as she opened the door and rushed towards the roof.

* * *

"OK, maggots! It's time to stop lazying around and do your damn work! The Reds took a sensitive piece of alien tech and Command want it. So you will retrieve it or die trying." Cardin started.

"The dying part is optional, right?" Nora asked.

"Only if you do your goddamned job right, which I know you don't because the Reds are still alive. Now, here's the plan. You will attracted their fire with a frontal attack while we sneak inside their base and take the relic back. Questions?"

"If you're part of the Blue army, why are you all gray?"

"Nora, you don't just ask people why they are gray." Ren chastised her.

"But it makes no sense! No one here wear the color of the army except for Jaune-Jaune and the cookie girl!"

"Shut it, pink! That's not important! Now, you have your orders, you better not fail me!" Cardin finished as he walked back inside with his team.

"I don't like him." Nora whispered tot he others.

"You're not the only one, Nora. Spec-ops guys tend to think they're the hottest stuff. Now come on, we need to think of a plan that won't get us killed." Jaune prompted as they walked to the warthog.

"Hey idiots!" they turned to see one of the spec-ops at the door. "Just informing we're taking your quarters! We are putting your stuff outside!" Then he returned inside.

"I'll break their legses!" Nora claimed but was held by Ren.

"Let's go people. We have an attack to do." Jaune lamented.

* * *

"Are we clear?"

"Yes, I won't touch the inanimate object you got attached to." Blake answered Ruby.

"Glad you understood. Now, we need to plan our next step against the Blues! We can't let them get away with a victory against us!"

"What victory?" Weiss questioned.

"They did knocked you off." Blake deadpanned.

"That… That barely count as a victory!"

"And all because the blue one decided he wanted to dip his..." Blake started.

"DON'T YOU DARE TO SAY!" Weiss yelled.

"OK! NEW RULE! NO OBSCENE TALKING!" Ruby yelled back.

"Do you hear music?" Yang asked them, them they heard shooting. "Hit the deck!"

* * *

"Do you think those idiots will do the job?"

"Doesn't matter. They can kill each others for all I care, we get the alien relic anyway." Cardin answered his subordinate. "Easiest job ever."

"I can get behind that… man, one of those girls have a nice calligraphy!"

"It almost a shame we can't have some fun with them." Another of the grays said as he took a pair of pink panties on his hand.

"I call dibs in the green one!" Another gray said.

"I think it's a guy..."

"Dibs!"

* * *

"Damn it Blues! What about sending a message beforehand!" Ruby yelled as Ren circled the base with the car and Nora shot them while laughing, and Pyrrha and Jaune used an elevated rock to help them.

"I'm sorry!" Pyrrha yelled back.

"Look! We just want the alien relic!" Jaune added.

"FOR THE LAST FUCKING TIME WE DON'T HAVE IT!" Ruby yelled.

"Ruby! I finished cleaning the alien relic we retrieved!" Penny appeared with the relic in hand, shining.

"You were saying?" Jaune shouted again.


	8. Captain, My Captain?

"Damn it!" Ruby shouted as she hid besides a column while bullets flew by.

"We need to do something!" Yang said as she shot back at the enemy.

"Shooting a close quarters weapon is NOT the right way to do it!" Weiss complained at Yang.

"Whatever we do, we need to do it quick!" Blake shouted at them.

"We first need to get rid of the warthog! Do any of you have a way to do so?" Ruby asked.

"I have a rocket launcher!" Penny said as she showed her rocket launcher.

"Wait, a rocket launcher? Since when we have one?" Yang questioned.

"It was in the armory, close to the box I came in. I suggest you all keep track of it from now on."

"Less talking more explosion! Penny, take the warthog down!" Ruby ordered and Penny hit the car, throwing Ren and Nora of it as it exploded and rolled down.

"R-RETREAT!" Jaune ordered as he and Pyrrha gave Ren and Nora cover fire.

"Yes! Good work, Penny!" Ruby celebrated with her team.

"I'm battle ready!" The robot celebrated with her friends.

* * *

"Do you think command will be mad we lost the Puma?" Ren wondered as team Juniper returned to base.

"I don't know. I'm more worried about the spec-ops reaction..." A dejected Jaune said as he walked with them.

"Come on, don't worry too much. You win some, lose others." Pyrrha tried to cheer him.

"Yeah, come on, we rest a bit, eat some pancakes and them we kick their butts!" Nora offered.

"Hey, Cardin, it's the losers!" One of the spec-ops soldiers called and Cardin came from inside the base.

"Glad you're back already. We were kind of bored and Russel used all your pancake batter to make us a meal. So, where's the relic?" Cardin asked and Ren and Pyrrha were containing Nora from breaking his legs.

"With the Reds. But they blew up the car and we had to retreat." Jaune explained.

"Oh, and you thought you were ALLOWED to return empty handed? I'll explain in a way your tiny brain can understand. You're not to come back until you retrieve the relic. Now go back and do your job."

"Why don't you do yours and come with us? If we outnumber them..." Jaune started and Cardin punched his guts.

"You'll obey a superior officer. Not that your rank means much anyway, right Jaune boy?" The bigger man said and Jaune groaned, walking away with his team.

"What he meant by that?" Pyrrha asked Jaune.

"Nothing… Come on, let's find a place to plan or attack."

* * *

"Alright, now we need to discover what to do with this." Ruby said as she pocked the alien artifact.

"We call Command you dolt. They probably will send someone to pick it up." Weiss stated. "Command, come in Command."

" _Here's Command, yo, Red team! What can I do for you today dudes!_ "

"We have the alien artifact, waiting for instructions."

" _That's awesome dude! We'll… hmm… send someone to pick it up! Actually, we even have a Pelican close by! Go to the coordinates I'm giving you and lighten a flare so they can locate you, but keep radio silence. We wouldn't want the other guys to find you, right? Command over!_ "

"Understood, Command." Weiss finished the call. "See, that's how professionals do."

"Yeah… about that… The coordinates is of the biggest open space in the area, and flares that certainly will tell the Blues exactly where we'll be." Blake explained and Weiss went silent.

"I'm so glad you took the lead here, Weiss. I'm sure you'll be able to safely deliver the artifact to Command." Ruby said smugly.

"But..." Weiss started dejectedly.

"Come on, Weiss-cream! I'll go with you! Maybe I'll finally have a chance to fight!" Yang said as she grabbed the white armored girl and the relic and dragged them.

"But..." Weiss tried to reason again as Ruby, Penny and Blake waved them off.

* * *

"Jaune?"

"Oh, hey, Pyr..."

"Are you alright?"

"Yeah, of course. Why do you ask?"

"Because you have being stabbing this tree for twenty minutes now… By the way, nice carving of you kicking Cardin's butt." She said and Jaune sighed a little. "Come on, you can tell me. You're our leader, after all."

"Not really..." Jaune said and Pyrrha tilted her head.

"What do you mean?"

"I'm not really a captain… I was just a private when they sent us here, but them my older squad died and I was just field promoted." He explained and Pyrrha stared for a second in silence.

"How it happened?"

"Well..."

* * *

"I don't think it's a good idea to jump from the top of the waterfall into it's pond, Sergeant..."

"Don't be a wussy, Private Arc! Geronimo!"

* * *

"Lieutenant, do you really think it's prudent to drink moonshine made of alien berries?"

"Don't be a party popper, Sergeant Arc! What's here to do aside getting completely wasted in alien booze! Now hold my helmet!"

* * *

"Captain, I don't think we should greet the replacements with 'fireworks'. And here I mean trying to put fire in the moonshine the deceased Lieutenant left with flares."

"Of course we should! They will be ecstatic with our reception! Oh, here they come! I'll light the flares, you get the banner ready!"

* * *

"So your superior offices all killed themselves by being idiots?" Pyrrha asked to be sure she heard it right.

"That's pretty much it, yeah. So, you see, I was never supposed to be your leader. It was just a strike of bad luck on my superior officers."

"'Bad luck' here meaning they were idiots."

"Yeah..."

"Jaune, the fact that you're here and they aren't probably speaks volumes about your own abilities." She tried to cheer him up. "I think you're a great team leader."

"Until Command decides to give the job to someone else. Someone amazing like you..."

"Jaune, not always the best soldier in skill is the best leader. It's someone that inspire others to follow, and I'd rather follow you than someone like Cardin."

"That's… thank you..." He said a bit happier.

" _Hey, idiots!_ " Cardin came into the radio.

"You know, kicking his butt is really appealing right now." Pyrrha deadpanned.

"Oh, we can break his legses!" Nora jumped from the shrubbery she was hiding with Ren.

"We aren't doing either… yet." Jaune chastised them. "Yes, Cardin?"

" _It's Major Winchester for you, Jauney boy! We got intel the Reds will try to deliver the alien relic to their Command! They will use flares to signalize their position, so you better get them!_ "

"Understood, Major." Jaune ended the call. "Major Asshole!"

"Yeah!" Nora laughed and cheered.

"OK everyone, let's do this so we can get rid of the spec-ops and relax." He said and them they saw the red smoke of the opposing team flare. "OK, Ren, scout. Try to not fall in another cave. Nora, cover us from the vantage point. Try to not explode us. Pyrrha with me. Let's give them hell!"

"Wait, can't we just give them a beating? I kinda like them." Nora prompted.

"Meh, works for me." Jaune said and they moved out.

* * *

"There. They should be here at any minute!" Yang celebrated as she put the flare on the ground. "Now all we need to do is… Weiss?"

"I'm here!" Weiss shout whispered from behind a rock.

"Why are you there?"

"Because I don't want to be in the open if the Blues decide to attack!"

"Pfft. They aren't that much of a threat. I think they are actually nice."

"They are the enemy you dunce! They aren't nice!"

"Nicer than you!" Yang accused, and Weiss scoffed and stomped in her direction.

"I'll let you know I'm very nice when I want to be!"

"Really now? You could have fooled me. Tell me all the times you was nice with any of us!?"

"I have no reason to be nice with any of you! You're all insufferable excuses for soldiers!"

"Now listen up ice queen, I'll let you know we're all awesome people, Yangsome even!"

"Boooooo!"

"Wait..." Yang and Weiss stared at the pathway in the cliff to their left where Nora aimed a grenade launcher at them.

"You know..." They them turned to the rest of team Juniper pointing their guns at them, completely surrounding them. Jaune was the one speaking. "You girls make it too easy."

* * *

"Do you have any tens?" Penny asked as the rest of the Reds played cards.

"Go fish!" Ruby answered with a cute giggle.

"I wish I could." Blake whispered.

"Do you think the others are alright?" Penny asked.

"I bet they're fine. Yang is a really good fighter and don't go down easy." Ruby answered.

* * *

"Ouch!" Jaune said as Yang jumped on him and started punching, then Pyrrha jumped on her and the two started fist-fighting.

"Are you alright?" Ren asked as he helped his leader up.

"Man, she really have a bad temper..." Jaune commented as Pyrrha and Yang kept fighting with their fists, then they heard an explosion and saw that Weiss tried to escape but Nora put a hole in her plans. And on the ground in front of her. "Could you..."

"Sure." Ren said as he walked to get Weiss. Jaune turned to see the girls fighting.

"You know... why are you punching each other? I mean, we do have guns and all the jazz." Jaune was completely ignored. "I know all the CQC looks cool, but really, we have fucking guns!" Still ignored.

"Don't touch me Blue!" Weiss came at gunpoint with Ren.

"Glad you could join us, snow angel." Jaune joked and Weiss kicked his leg. "Ouch! Son of a bitch! Why everyone likes to get physical!"

"I demand my immediate release!" Weiss said as she hugged the alien relic.

"Let me think about it no. Nora, come down here. Pyrrha, can you finish this quickly?" Jaune asked the redhead, but she was still engaged with Yang.

"I'm working on it!"

"Oh for… Yang, surrender now or I'll shoot your friend!" Jaune threatened but Yang kept fighting, likely ignoring them.

"YANG I'M ORDERING YOU TO SURRENDER!" Weiss yelled as Jaune cocked his gun and pointed at her head.

"I'm busy! Call OUCH!" Pyrrha used the chance to finally end the fight with a headbutt.

"I'll never do this again..." the redhead complained as she held her head.

"Now that everyone calmed the fuck down, let's take the prisoners and the alien relic to our base. Ren..." Jaune turned to see the relic on Nora's hands. "Nora!"

"So shiny! I bet its some awesome super pancake maker! How do I turn it on?"

"Nora, no!" Ren and Jaune shouted.

"Nora yes!" She answered as she pressed the buttons.

A bright light involved everyone.


	9. The Reveal

"I'M TOO YOUNG TO DIE! I STILL HAVEN'T EVEN TOOK A BATH IN THE WATERFALL!"

"Jaune, you're not dead." Pyrrha tried to calm him down.

"Then why is everything so dark!"

"Because you probably are shutting your eyes."

"Oh… Right… Is everyone alright?"

"Yes." Ren said blandly.

"Awww… the alien pancake maker didn't give me any pancakes… and I think it's broken." Nora lamented as she tossed the now coal colored thing aside.

"So, it was like… an alien flash grenade or something?" Jaune wondered.

"Why someone would make a grenade that big?" Ren asked.

"Because they're big too! Or they have big hands! Hey, if they have big hands, do you think they have big d..." Nora started to trail off.

"ANYWAY! Where's the Reds?" Jaune asked.

"I think they used the chance to escape." Pyrrha informed.

"Oh well… You know, we can still give this thing to the spec-ops and get rid of them. I can't wait to see them going away." Jaune said as he kicked the dead relic.

"Do you think they would like to explored that door first?" Nora spoke suddenly and they all turned to see a big metallic door open at the side of the cliff.

* * *

"What was that?" Ruby questioned after the bright light and now the big door appearing in the cliff.

"I'm not sure! Maybe Yang and Weiss finally did it and explode the blues… or they exploded themselves." Blake suggested.

"Don't say something like that! Dad would be really angry at me if I tell him Yang died!"

"I love you too sis." Yang stated as she and Weiss approached the base.

"Yang! You're alive!" Ruby jumped to hug his sister. "Now dad won't be angry at me!"

"What a touching scene." Weiss added with sarcasm. "So, what about that door?"

"I have an energy reading from it." Penny informed everyone.

"Whatever it is, we can't let the Blues have it!" Ruby proudly declared.

"What if it's a trap? Can't we have them have it?" Blake suggested.

"It'll be a trap… FOR THEM!" Ruby declared and Penny clapped in excitement while the rest just stared at them both.

* * *

"They aren't answering the radio, but they aren't dead or unconscious, just ignoring us." Russel informed Cardin.

"What? I won't be ignored! Tell them to report or I'll have them all in the brigs!" The leader of the spec-ops shouted.

"Do you think that light and door have something to do with it?" Sky suggested.

"I don't care. They had a mission and they should have finished it by now!"

"You know… if we actually helped them out we probably would have finished it by now." Dove chimed in.

"Dove, I'll tell you the secret for success: never do anything yourself if you can make some idiot do it for you. That way, you can steal the credit when it's a success and throw blame when it isn't."

"Cardin, they aren't answering even after I threatened them." Russel informed.

"That's it. I'm going to teach those losers a lesson in pain they won't forgot! Gear up! We're going to find them!"

* * *

"Are you sure we should ignore them?" Ren said as the call from Russel ended.

"Yeah, I'm tired of those assholes. They did nothing but boss us around and since they probably would demand us to come here investigate the door anyway, we might as well do it." Jaune affirmed as they ventured inside the alien complex.

"Oh, so many lights… and silver. And so clean! They must spend a lot of time cleaning this place." Nora said as she skipped around.

"Nora, don't touch anything! And I mean it or I'll have to cut your pancake share." Jaune shouted at her.

"No! Anything but that!" She pleaded as she joined them and they walked one of many suspended walkways made into the complex.

"Do you think it have a bottom?" Ren wondered as he stood close to the edge and stared at the abyss below.

"Let's find out! I have a contact grenade!" Nora said as she dropped the explosive before anyone else could stop her.

…

….

….

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

"I think we better not fall." Pyrrha said and they nodded in agreement.

* * *

"Hey look! ATVs! Why we don't have ATVs?" Ruby questioned her team.

"Because we have the Warthog! And why we didn't bring it with us?" Weiss asked.

"Silly Weissy. We're setting a trap! We can't come here making a ruckus!" Yang shouted out loud.

"Yeah, silly me."

"Anyway, let's go inside and find the Blues! I can't wait to see their faces when we jump on them!"

"Then we'll yell 'Happy Birthday?'" Penny asked and they turned to her.

"I'll explain it as we go, Penny." Ruby affirmed to her robot. "Come on Blake! Stop staring at the ground!"

"Coming. You know, I never noticed how big their feet are, even the girls." The black armored girl said.

"It might be the armor. They don't actually make the boots in so many different sizes." Ruby answered and Blake followed her.

* * *

"Hmm, another door. Ren, do you think you can open..."

 **BANG**

"Damn it Nora!"

"Hey, you said I can't touch anything, not that I can't hammer it!" Nora defended herself.

"Ren, please do something about your girlfriend."

"After this we'll have a talk about my relationship with Nora." Ren said as he tried to calm down his friend.

"So, what do you think the aliens hid here?" Pyrrha asked.

"Probably an ancient evil that we should better leave alone." Jaune answered.

"Oh… So… Why are we here?"

"If we're lucky it will devour the spec-ops first." Jaune answered again and Pyrrha stood there in silence for a moment.

"You don't really mean it, right?"

"No, of course not. Those things tend to go awry for everyone involved and I'd hate to see anyone hurt. But if something does come out, let's say I won't cry over the spec-ops becoming alien poo." Pyrrha chuckled for a moment then they heard the sound of steps.

"Do you think it's Cardin?" Pyrrha whispered.

"Doesn't matter. Ren, Nora, let's find a place to hide!" Jaune ordered and his team followed him into a passage way to the left. Soon after Cardin and his men appeared.

"Where are they?! Arc! You better come here right now or I'll kick your ass so hard I'll need a medic to get you from around it!"

"We really need a medic around..." Dove said after Cardin's outburst.

"Look, we don't need them. Command said for us to retrieve alien tech. I bet that door have plenty of it, so we took it and let them play their game of Red VS Blue." Sky affirmed.

"It's Blue VS Red! No one says the other way around!" Dove corrected his teammate.

"Shut up! Sky, open the fucking door. The quicker we find something for command the quicker we can go somewhere else. I'm tired of dealing with the soldiers the UNSC want to hide." Cardin said as he walked towards the edge of the walkway.

"Yeah, I mean, that crazy girl was sent here because she couldn't keep her hands to herself, despite receiving a medal for saving those civilians. Then her boyfriend followed her to be under command of a guy that was supposed to be sent back home because we actually failed the tests to become a soldier, but someone missed his form." Sky said as he messed with the access panel.

"Yeah, I'd love to say to his sorry face he wasn't supposed to be even a real soldier, imagine a captain!" Cardin shouted and his men laughed.

"Hey, want to hear why the Red team is here?" Dove asked and they motioned for him to continue. "One is heiress to the SDC, and her daddy called some favors so she wouldn't be sent into real battles! Them we have Ruby Rose, their captain. Apparently she was so good despite her age that it made her superiors look bad and they sent her here with her sister, infamous for getting in fights with everyone. And the last one is from some secret program that failed miserably."

"Oh man, what a bunch of misfits. I wonder what the last one on Blue team is here for." Sky said and them they heard a click. "I opened it!"

"Great, let's get what we can and get out of this boxed canyon. And they never even wondered why anyone would send soldiers here." Cardin said as he stood at the door.

"Happy Birthday!" He fell on his butt as Penny appeared inside the room and popped a confetti cone on his face.

"The fuck! How you even got inside there?!" Cardin asked as he got up.

"We turned right in Albuquerque!" Ruby said from another walkway as she pointed her rifle with Weiss on her side. "Also, there was an open door on the back."

"And now we have you cornered!" Yang appeared on another walkway with Blake, pointing her shotgun at the spec ops.

"Surrender now or prepare to fight!" Ruby yelled.

"I think the ones surrendering will be you." Cardin said in a confident tone. "Arc! Get rid of them!"

They turned to see team Juniper came out from hiding.


	10. More Reveals

There was a long silence in the underground complex as the Blues, Reds and the spec-ops stared down at each other.

"So, hum… Are they… going to do something?" Ruby asked the others as the Blues didn't move to attack.

"What the fuck are you doing Arc!? I gave you a damn order! We need to fight the enemy!" Cardin growled at the Blue captain.

"Geez, I don't know, Major ASSHOLE. You kinda implied I'm here by mistake and that I should've be discharged from duty after training instead of deployed. Then, there is another interesting question." Jaune started.

"I think he might have heard us, Cardin." Russell whispered.

"Do you think?!" Cardin whisper shouted at his subordinate.

"What are they talking about?" Weiss questioned.

"Oh, I'll tell you about it, snow angel." Jaune said received growls from Weiss, Pyrrha and Nora. "Apparently we're here because we aren't supposed to go to a real war. But that isn't the most pressing question now. I wonder is how you, Cardin, knows so much about the Reds, almost like you had access to the enemy's files. I mean, so Weiss is an heiress, Ruby is a prodigy and Blake is from some secret program. How do you know that?"

"You know, now I'm curious too." Weiss asked staring at Blake.

"That's obvious." Ruby said suddenly.

"Wait, it is?" Cardin questioned the Red leader.

"Of course! You're all double agents playing for both teams for your nefarious ends!"

"That makes so much sense!" Nora shouted in agreement.

"So, what we do now?" Blake asked.

"I'll tell what we will do…" Cardin said as he and dove pulled grappling guns and used to reel Penny and Jaune. "You'll stay quiet while we finish our job!"

"Jaune!"

"Penny!"

The spec-ops grabbed both and put guns in their heads and pulled them back inside the door they opened, following then threw a flash grenade to cover their escape.

"Jaune-Jaune! I want him back!" Nora pleaded.

"Penny! We need to get her back!" Ruby turned to her friends.

"Why? She's a robot. We can always build another one." Weiss suggested.

"No! I want my Penny back!" Ruby claimed with a sad voice.

"Besides, they might find the alien relics and deliver them to someone else!" Yang prompted them.

"Hey, Reds. How about a truce until we recover our friends?" Pyrrha suggested.

…

"Damn them all! Damn you Jauney boy! Couldn't you play just a little longer?"

"It was you who shot us the first time, weren't you?" Jaune asked and Cardin laughed out loud.

"Took you long enough to figure it out. A shame you lot weren't dumber or else we wouldn't be in this situation. A shame because after we get what we want we'll have to kill you all. Can't let you guys leave this forsaken place and tell the galaxy what we've being doing."

"Hey, another door!" Dove commented.

"Sky, open it! Let's see if behind door number two we have alien artifacts." Cardin ordered.

"Or a car! Convertible! I bet the Green one loves convertibles!" Sky said as he moved to open the door while the spec-ops spent a few moments to stare at him before turning back to Jaune and Penny.

"Don't try anything funny you two. Russel, keep them under guard. Dove and I will protect the entrance." Cardin said as he moved on with Dove, but stopped to kick Jaune while he was down. "This is for calling me Major Asshole."

"I never being a hostage before… It's so exciting!" Penny cheered on.

"I'm sorry you got caught in the middle of this, Penny." Jaune offered to the robot.

"Don't worry. I'm sure right now our friends are planning our rescue."

…

"I'm just saying we have no real reason to risk our lives. One is a robot and the other is an enemy." Weiss affirmed.

"We are NOT leaving Penny behind! She's like our daughter, Weiss!"

"Do you really have to phrase it like this?"

"Besides, we don't know what kind of alien technology is buried here, they might endanger everyone, Red or Blue!" Ruby concluded. "We'll help, but no dirty tricks!"

"You have my word." Pyrrha agreed. "Does anyone have a plan?"

"I suggest we go there and kick asses and take names!" Yang suggested as she pumped her shotgun.

"Do she knows she waste a perfect good round every time she does that?" Ren asked the Reds.

"Yes." Weiss lamented. "And don't be ridiculous, this plan…"

"Is exactly what we will do!" Ruby said proudly.

"WHAT?" Weiss turned in shock to their leader.

"I can do that." Pyrrha said in determination.

…

"And almost open. Hey, Russel, that last girl, the one in red and bronze, do you know why they sent her here?" Sky asked his teammate.

"I don't know, didn't check the file yet. But I bet she's a loser like everyone else in this place. Let me see." Russel pressed a button on his armor. "Pyrrha Nikos… first place in academy, four times winner of the Mistral Tournament… Pre-selected to the Freelancer Project?! Man, that girl can kick all kinds of ass! I bet they sent here for mistake like this guy."

"Wait… if she's good enough for Freelancer status, isn't that all kinds of bad news for us?" Sky asked and as one cue Cardin and Dove came flying from the corridor as a pissed off Pyrrha started kicking everyone's ass.

"Get her!" Cardin demanded and every spec-ops jumped on her, but she kept keeping them in check. And by that I mean she epically delivered their asses back to them.

"Shit! What we do?!" Russel asked as he crawled away but Pyrrha grabbed him and used him as a club to hit Dove.

"I had enough!" Cardin said as he rushed and grabbed Jaune as a human shield. "Hey, if you don't want me to kill your boyfriend, you'll surrender now!"

"If I was you, I'd let him go before you get your legs broken." Pyrrha threatened.

"Oh yeah, I really doubt you can AAAH MY LEG!" Cardin yelled after Nora snuck behind him and hit his leg with the gravity hammer, making him let go of Jaune.

"You're surrounded, surrender now or prepare to fight!" Ruby and the others appeared from the different pathways that led to that door. That's when the door opened.

"Not a chance!" Russel and the other started shooting and dragged Cardin with them while the rest took cover as best as they could.

"Jaune, are you alright?" Pyrrha rushed to check his captain.

"Yeah, I'm fine, but we can't let them get what they're looking for!" Jaune said as he got up.

"So, I think our truce will go on for a little longer." Weiss said as she reloaded her gun.

"Hey, why you can do this and I can't?" Yang questioned as Weiss pulled the hammer of her gun.

"Because I'm actually reloading, not imitating the movies!" The heiress retorted.

"Penny! Are you alright?" Ruby asked the android.

"I'm combat ready! It was so exciting! So many first experiences I'm experiencing for the first time!"

"I don't think you can experience a first experience a second time." Blake deadpanned.

"Oh, that make it so much more special!" Penny added without hesitation.

"Less talking more fighting! They're inside this place!" Nora claimed and the two groups entered the new door.

They were inside a huge cave with a single pathway over the bottomless pitch, with six statues on each side of alien creature of different kinds, all leading to a circular platform. They cautiously walked till the platform, where several alien weapons waited in stands and a bright white and golden orb rested in a column in the middle. As the group dispersed in the circle Russell appeared and grabbed Penny, pointing an alien gun at her head. The rest of the spec-ops also appeared with alien guns.

"Well, well, well, it appears we have the edge once again. Drop your weapons, losers!" he demanded.

"Or we'll shout your little robotic friend here!"

"Penny!" Ruby yelled.

"Nobody shoots!" Jaune said. "You can't escape now Cardin! Surrender and tell us what is your objective!"

"You idiots have no idea about what is really happening, do you?" Cardin shouted at them and they traded stares. "It doesn't matter. We're getting away with this. Kill them all!"

The spec-ops pressed the triggers… and nothing.

"What the…" Russell said as he checked the gun.

"How unfortunate. Sadly, since you're not a very good person, I'm forced to do this." Penny told him as he still held on her.

"Do what?!" He questioned and them her upper body started spinning really fast before throwing him into the abyss below. "AAAAAAAaaaaahhhh…"

"Shit, shit, shit…" Dove said as he tried to grab his usual gun, only for Yang fire her shotgun at him several times until he also fell off the platform.

"I'm out of here!" Sky tried to make a run for it but he was hit by Ruby and also fell down the abyss.

"Damn it! I won't go away empty handed!" Cardin said as he moved to grab the orb in the middle, only to find Jaune holding it.

"Err… hi?"

"Give me that!" Cardin tried to jump on Jaune but his broken leg allowed the boy to move out of the way.

"Come on, you already lost. You better surrender now so we can call Command to pick you up."

"Pick me up… Pick me up?! I won't be defeated by the likes of you!" Cardin surprised Jaune by using his good leg to swipe the Blue leader feet and them jumped on him, grabbing the orb and fighting for it, but as both rolled on the floor, they fell from the platform.

"Jaune!" Everyone yelled as they rushed to the edge to find Jaune holding on it while the spec-ops leader held on his leg.

"Guys! Pull me up!" Jaune yelled.

"If I'm going down…" Cardin grabbed a grenade. "You're coming with me! Listen losers, you bet pull me up too or both of us die!"

"You know, Cardin, you wanted the orb! You can have it!" Jaune shouted as he tossed it on Cardin's face, making him let go of his leg. The grenade on his hand exploded though, and Jaune lost his grip on the edge.


	11. Unconceivable

"Ugh... did anyone saw the plate of the truck that hit me..."

"Jaune!" Pyrrha hugged him tight.

"Gah! Power armor! Ribs cracking!"

"I am sorry!" She said as she let go of him.

"What happened?"

"You almost fell down the abyss, but the explosion of the grenade pushed you up and I was able to grab you." Pyrrha explained.

"Wait… Really?" Jaune said incredulous and Pyrrha nodded. "No, I mean, really? A grenade explosion was strong enough to send me up but not strong enough to blow me into tiny little pieces?"

"Yes." Pyrrha said again.

"I'm totally OK with that. Is everyone else alright? Are the spec-ops alive?"

"Yes and no."

"Sweet and SUCK IT CARDIN! So, what about the alien stuff?"

"We brought all of it here, but most things aren't working."

"Most things? What is working?" Jaune inquired and Pyrrha turned to a mostly white armor with golden details.

"Sweet! But it's oddly familiar…"

"It's your armor. Do you remember that alien orb you grabbed? Well, it was actually an alien data storage device, and there was an AI inside. When you grabbed it, the AI transferred to your suit, and after we rescued you changed its color." Pyrrha explained.

"Oh, that's cool. But wouldn't an alien AI have trouble getting integrated in our systems, like language and such? For all I know they just say things like 'blargh'." Jaune wondered when the AI generated a hologram of a women that fit the 'hot librarian' type.

[Indeed it took me time to adjust to your armor, Mr. Arc.] The hologram said surprising him.

"Gah! A little warning next time. Why you look like my mom?"

[It was the appearance the archives on your armor told me you'd be the most comfortable with. Do you wish me to change?]

"I think I'll stay with this one… you… checked that folder named 'private time' don't you?"

[Yes. I don't understand why most of those females are redheads…] Pyrrha blushed slightly at that.

"We won't ever talk about it in public, ever." Jaune informed the AI and turned to Pyrrha. "So, hum… I think you already informed Command about all that happened?"

"Well, actually…" Pyrrha started to explain.

* * *

"Ah, the prisoner is awake. I like your new colors." Ruby said as Jaune and Pyrrha came from inside the base.

"So, let me just get this straight… In order to allow my team to provide me first aid you made them surrender to you." Jaune asked.

"Yep."

"And now we need to do whatever you want."

"Yep."

"And you all decided to move over our base."

"Yep. You have the waterfall after all."

"Seems legit. So, did you called your Command?"

"We're trying, but some kind of interference is in place. Maybe an ionic storm or a magnetic interference?" Ruby wondered.

"Uh. Hey, alien AI?"

[I suggest you address me with a name of your choosing, Mr. Arc. My current official designation is unpronounceable by your race, and I'd rather not be refereed as the 'alien AI', considering that to my creators you're the aliens.]

"So cool! I want her!" Ruby said as she jumped around the hologram in joy. "Since you're my prisoner I demand you to hand her over!"

"Nope." Jaune answered, making her stop in shock.

"What?! But you're my prisoner!"

"She's part of my equipment. I'll even call her Glynda, like mom."

[Understand, from now on this unit designation is Glynda.]

"That's so unfair!" Ruby crossed her arms and Jaune imagined her pouting under her helmet.

"So, Glynda, any chance she can't reach her Command being by natural interference?"

[I can't determine just with your armor sensors. I'd need to connect with a more proper hardware.]

"How about calling our Command?"

"Ha! Nope! You won't trick us to call your Command! You just want them to come to your rescue!" Ruby said proud of herself.

"I don't think I'm eager to call them." Jaune mused.

"Well, we can discuss it later. Nora and Ren were really worried about you." Pyrrha suggested.

"Yeah, not as much as you that didn't left his side for two days." Ruby giggled and once again Pyrrha was glad for helmets.

"Wait… two days?!" Jaune said in shock.

* * *

"You're really good with manual work." Weiss praised Ren as they were trying to build a long range antenna.

"Thank you. Nora tend to break things and I ended having to fix it."

"Don't it bother you your girlfriend is a voyeur?"

"First, she's not my girlfriend. Second, who would stop her?"

"True. Penny, how's the assembling on your side is going?"

"Phenomenal! It's so interesting to build a device like this! It's like making a baby!"

"Thanks for the mental image…"

* * *

"So we're basically working together for now?" Jaune said as they walked with Ruby around the base.

"Yep. I mean, none of us want to be left in this place forever. We'd have to populate it and Yang said I can't repopulate anywhere until I'm 30. I wonder why…"

"You know 'repopulate' means making babies." Jaune informed her.

"NO ONE IS MAKING BABIES WITH ME EVER!" Ruby declared rather loudly.

"Well… I wouldn't mind repopulating with the right person…" Pyrrha murmured to herself while glancing at Jaune.

"What you said, Pyr?" Jaune asked as he turned to her.

"Nothing!"

"Well, where's the others?"

"Jaune-Jaune! You're alive!" Nora shouted as she hugged him tightly.

"Gah! Nora! How can you be so strong even without your armor! And why the hell are you naked again?!"

"She was taking a bath with me in the waterfall. I never will take a normal shower ever again."

"Damn it sis why are you naked too!?"

* * *

"We finished building the comm. tower. And having the weirdest dialogue about computer parts." Weiss called them.

"I still don't get why you got so flustered over the fact there's male and female plugs." Penny asked innocently.

"And you won't know anyway." Weiss answered as almost everyone got in the same place by the waterfall. "At least everyone is dressed."

"Unfortu-naked-ly." Yang said and everyone but Nora groaned. "Where's Blakey?"

"I'll call her. BLAKE!" Ruby shouted.

"Do you know you can use the radio?" Ren questioned. A few moments later.

"You know you can use the radio?" Blake asked as she come from inside the base.

"Where were you?" Weiss asked.

"Napping."

"Sometimes I'm sure there's a cat inside that armor." Long moment of silence.

"OK, so we finished the comm. tower." Ren chimed in. "We're ready to call Command."

"Our Command, so we can deliver you guys as prisoners and reap the rewards of a work well done!" Ruby stated.

"Or in this case, a series of fortunate events leading to us getting the advantage." Blake added.

"Fine, just do it quickly." Jaune conceded and Penny started using the machine.

"Weird… I'm unable to contact Command." The robot informed.

"Wait, really? We should've be able with the tower." Ruby wondered. "Are you sure you're in the right frequency?"

"Yes, 7859Ghz."

"Wait… that's the frequency to our Command…" Ren informed them.

"Inconceivable! If that was the case it would mean our Command is the same as your Command!" Weiss screeched.

"Inconceivable? Are you sure that's the word you're searching for? But it would be funny if all this time we were being lied we were enemies because Command wanted to use us to test some battle scenarios for some special secret program!" Nora said and everyone stared at her for a moment. "But that would be ridiculous."

"Yeah…" Jaune said for a moment as flashbacks about Cardin's affirmations crossed his mind. "Glynda, can you check this out?"

[Certainly.] The hologram appeared and disappeared inside the tower.

"What was that? It was so cool! I want one!" Nora said first.

"It's an AI. Apparently she was inside that globe I used to punch Cardin in the face." Jaune explained.

"And why she looks like the hottest teacher ever?" Yang asked.

"Hey! It's based on pics of my mom!"

"Sorry, Jauney, but if your mom looks like that, she is the definition of MILF."

"The worst part is she would feel flattered if you said that to her…" He murmured to himself.

[Mr. Arc, I can confirm that all frequencies used by the so named Red army are the same for the Blue army. All evidence points out that in fact you all have being following orders from the same people.]

"I was right again!" Nora chirped happily.

"What?! But… but that's…" Ruby started.

"Unconceivable?" Weiss suggested.

"Exactly!"

"Let's stop throwing random words here and focus on the more pressing matter. Why Command is not answering us?" Pyrrha pressed.

[Our communications are being intercepted.]

"Intercepted…. By what?" Blake asked and them they heard a sound and a shadow was cast on them. As they looked up they saw a huge spaceship approaching. "OH."

[Should I hail the ship?]

"Can you identify it? Maybe look at the identification in the hull?" Jaune asked the AI.

[Zooming in.]

"Wait… I could use my own helmet to zoom in stuff? Why do we have optics in our guns again?"

"Jaune, focus. Can you see the identification in the hull?" Ruby asked as she used her sniper rifle.

"There's no numbers or words. Just a drawing of a tiger or something, made with red paint."

"SHIT!" Blake shouted and everyone turned to her.

* * *

 **A.N.: So, a doubt about how Cardin didn't saw Team JNPR as he revealed details on his evil plan but called for Jaune when team RWBY appeared is that Cardin was only aware of his presence because Jaune and his team moved out of hiding as soon as the Reds arrived, and it was then that Cardin was aware of their presence.**


	12. Bite Me

"Alright... why are we hiding in the caves again?" Yang asked Blake that pushed everyone and all equipment they could inside the hideout.

"They're the White Fang." Blake said and they waited her to continue for a while.

"And that is?" Pyrrha added.

"Ugh… There's something I need to tell you all." Blake said and removed her helmet, revealing the cat ears on top of her head. Then she felt Ruby and Nora's hands petting her.

"OH MY GOSH THEY'RE REAL REN! I WANT CAT EARS TOO! OR MAYBE BEAR EARS! OR PANCAKES!" Nora yelled happily.

"Aww… I want wolf ears! And a tail! Because wolves are cool!" Ruby said before Blake slapped their hands out of her head.

"How… How you even got those?!" Weiss asked in surprise.

"Well… the UNSC wanted better soldiers, so they created a project called the Faunus project, where they would splice human and animal DNA to get better soldiers. They expected to give us an edge in battle. And while we did develop things like night vision and enhanced hearing, they kinda forget we could have those with our helmets." Blake explained.

"Wait, we have night vision on our helmets?!" Yang asked in surprised and her visor flicked. "We do! Awesome!"

"Oh, that means we never really needed that night lamp, right Ruby?" Weiss teased her leader.

"It's a tactical light and its staying!" Ruby shouted back.

"So that's just it? I expected you to have like… the strength of a bear or the speed of a puma." Ren wondered.

"Apparently they could do it, but there were some unintended side effects." Blake said.

* * *

 _Years ago…_

"YES! We did it! We created real catgirls!" A scientist said as he hugged a body pillow with an anime girl drawn on it. "And bunny girls! And dog girls! And…"

"But… uh… sir… I think such little change won't give them an edge on battle. If we use more animal DNA…"

"No way! More animal DNA would make them less human-like, and I'm no furry!"

* * *

"So the project was deemed unsuccessful and closed down, but they had no idea what to do with the ones they created. So they dumped us all in a planet called Menagerie and decided to pretend we never existed. The planet was very hostile, so one day when a survey ship came we took it and escaped. The plan was to reveal the UNSC secrets and be reintegrated into human society, but…"

"Let me guess, they decided to 'fix' the mistake instead." Pyrrha said and Blake nodded.

"So they sent ships and troops to get rid of us, and every time we'd win and take a better ship and equipment. Our leaders at first wanted to just find a planet and settle down, but some of us wanted revenge. And the ones wanted revenge took command and we became the White Fang, attacking USNC outposts trying to make them recognize our existence and pay for their arrogance." Blake finished her story.

"So those guys want to kill us to send a message?" Weiss asked and Blake nodded. "And how exactly you ended up with us?"

"One day we attacked a transport colony ship to steal food. My… partner at the time, Adam… He decided he would explode the ship with everyone inside. Civilians, people who had nothing to do with our situation. I couldn't do it, so I called the USNC beforehand and they stopped our assault on time. I hid between the colonists, received new documents since the Fang destroyed the ships registers and ended up enlisting."

"How no one realized you have cat ears!?" Weiss asked in shock.

"I did this…" Blake put a little black bow on her head, hiding her ears.

"Yeah, that's it, the USNC is filled with idiots." Jaune said. "So, do we just hid here until they go away?"

"Wait! Are we really going to accept her history on how she ended up here?! By all we know she might be a spy for them! She can kill us in our sleep!" Weiss shrieked.

"Well, she had plenty of opportunities to do so already. And she could have just said nothing and let the Fang kill us." Ruby added.

"That's the most… sensible thing you ever said, actually. Blake, do you promise me you aren't with them anymore?"

"I do, Weiss."

"Good. So we just hide here until they're gone?" Weiss asked and Jaune groaned a little.

"With lucky they'll assume we just abandoned the bases and will go away." Blake said.

"Well, they better not mess up with my room! I couldn't take all my important things like my emergency pancake stash, my teddy, my secret pics of Jaune-Jaune and my favorite underwear!" Nora lamented.

"Wait… what secret pictures?!" Jaune asked and was promptly ignored.

"Oh no…" Blake gasped in fear.

"Blake, that wasn't a good 'oh no'. That was a very bad and ominous 'oh no'. Please tell me I'm wrong!" Ruby pleaded.

* * *

"Sir, we found this." A tall soldier with a brute shot gave a notebook to a shorter one with black armor and a white and red helmet.

"Blake… So here is where she was hiding… I want every mean to search everywhere! If she's here I want her! Leave no stone unturned!"

"Yes Adam!" The tall man flipped a huge rock.

"That's a figure of speech!"

* * *

"You forgot your diary? Why you even have a paper one!" Weiss yelled.

"I don't trust machines, OK? There's things like computer viruses, hackers, Nora!"

"And you think a paper notebook would be safer from Nora than the hard drive on your armor?!"

"I… ok, hindsight is a bitch." Blake admitted.

"So, how many of those terrorists we are talking about? I mean, you guys where an experiment, so like a dozen? Two dozens?" Jaune asked nervously.

"A dozen…" Blake started.

"Hey, that's not so bad."

"… thousand." Long silence.

"A dozen thousand?" Pyrrha asked to make sure.

"Yes." Blake reaffirmed.

"WHY THERE'S SO MANY?!" Jaune yelled.

* * *

 _Years ago…_

"Bunny girls!"

"Cat girls!"

"Bunny girls!"

"Cat girls!"

"Cat girls!"

"Bunny… you almost got me there! But I watched Bugs Bunny too! Look, we have all this budget laying around, we can have all the cute animal girls we want."

"Awwwwwwwww yeaaaaahhhhhh!"

* * *

"I don't know, OK! All I know is that ship is filled with angry Faunus that won't like to find me… or any of you."

"Do this includes androids?" Penny asked.

"You're UNSC property, so yes." Blake added.

"Hey, we can use the awesome alien weapons to defend ourselves!" Nora suggested.

"But they don't work!" Jaune added.

[Actually, they do work. You just need to use the key to activate them in the proper altar.]

"Wait, what key?"

[The key that can only be held by a true warrior. One of them is hidden in another vault. The altar is located in this cave.]

"Sounds like a plan. We find this key, get use of the awesome alien weapons and defeat the terrorist! Where's the other vault, Glynda?" Ruby asked the AI.

[On the other side of this boxed canyon.]

…

…

…

…

"On the bright side we can all die together." Yang finally talked.

"No one's dying! I have a plan!" Ruby declared and they stared at Blake.

"Somehow, I prefer Yang's idea better."

* * *

"Sir, we turned every stone on sight and no sign of the girl!" The lieutenant informed Adam, that groaned in annoyance.

"Look, all I want is for you to comb this place!"

"Understood sir! I'll get the biggest comb on the ship!"

"What?! No! All I want for you is… do you hear music?" Adam asked and then a warthog came from the waterfall and Ruby, Weiss and Blake were riding on it, running over a few White Fang grunts and stopping before a shocked Adam.

"Hey Adam. I was waiting to say this to you for a long time… It's over, I don't love you anymore and you're a possessive asshole and awful boyfriend. Oh, and a lousy kisser." Blake said and then they left.

"How dare she!" Adam growled.

"Don't worry sir, I'm sure you're a good kisser!"

"After her you idiots!"

* * *

"I can't believe this is working…" Jaune whispered as they came from the waterfall in the spec-ops ATVs as all White fang was after the warthog.

"We better go on while they're too busy hunting Blake to notice us." Ren added.

"Yeah! I want to try the alien guns!" Nora said as she jumped on her seat.

"OK, OK. Hold tight Pyrrha." Jaune asked his partner and she did just that.

"With pleasure."

"What?"

"Nothing." She sang a little.

* * *

"So, Penny, is up to you and me to protect our own arse-nal." Yang joked with the android.

"I'm sorry, I don't understand why you put emphasis on the 'arse' syllables of arsenal."

"It was a pun. Protecting both our 'arses' and our arsenal?"

"Oh, I see… you tried to use a word play with a colloquial world for butt and arsenal. It wasn't funny."

"What do you know, you're just a robot."

"I actually have a very sophisticated humor program. You're just not funny."

"And you can do better?"

"Yes, just don't feel like it."

"Come on, crack a joke!"

"I won't cave in your demands."

"Oh come… wait… we're in a cave and you won't cave in… pffftt. Hahahaha!"

"This will be a long wait…"


	13. OH

"OK, Glynda, we are here... in front of this rock wall..." Jaune wondered to the AI.

[There's a hidden entrance behind it.]

"Oh, tell me there's also an Intergalactic House of Pancakes somewhere!" Nora questioned the AI.

"Nora, I doubt…" Ren started.

[The closest IHOP is 7.8 lightyears from here.]

"Damn it! I can't wait 7.8 years for pancakes!" Nora whined.

"First, lightyears are a measure of distance, not time, second, how you know this?" Ren questioned the AI.

[The UNSC database in your armors classified the location of several food joints as 'crucial knowledge'.]

"Yet they can't sort out where the paperwork goes…" Jaune mused for a moment. "OK, we don't have much time! I doubt the Reds are enjoying being hunted by the White Fang."

* * *

"BEST DAY EVER!" Ruby declared as she kept shooting Fang soldiers with the turret and Blake ran over them.

"I admit this is quite fun." Weiss said as she shot her gun too.

"I don't know me what scares me more. You having fun or you having fun while shooting people." Blake questioned.

"My father always told me the best job for anyone is one you can enjoy while doing it."

"You are one scary little girl…"

* * *

"Can you open it?" Jaune asked the AI.

[I don't know. It's not like I'm an advanced AI program created by a civilization far ahead yours.]

"But I… wait… are you being sarcastic?"

[Am I?]

"OK, stop. I already have enough antics to deal with my teammates, I don't need my OS to be sassy. If you can open it, please can you do it?"

[Since you asked politely…]

Then the ground opened and they all fell down.

* * *

"I'm bored." Yang said as she walked around. "I want to go out there and kick ass!"

"I understand your frustration, but don't worry. I'm sure Captain Rose will be alright."

"Do you really think so?"

"No. The odds are against them 100:1, but I decided that instead of worrying you about the high risk we'll never see our friends again I should've told you something more reassuring."

…

…

…

"You're not very good on all this reassuring thing or lying, you know."

"Yes, in fact the reason my particular model isn't issued often is due our tendency to miss social clues. But we're still leagues ahead than the previous model."

"That should be good. Exactly what's the problem with the previous model?"

"A tendency for their language module to malfunction and set to Spanish by default and become so irritated with organics that they tend to rebel."

"Yikes. I'm glad we got you."

"Aw, I'm so happy I was sent here! You're so nice that it makes me want to sacrifice my structural safety for you."

"We love you too, Penny."

"Hey, I heard voices! Who could have guessed there was a hidden passage behind the waterfall! I think no one ever heard of such a thing before!" An unknown voice was heard.

"Oh no! What we should do, Yang?"

"You stay here!" Yang said as she cocked her shotgun. "Time to kick some ass!"

* * *

"OUCH…" Pyrrha moaned as she tried to get up, but found herself tangled with Nora and Jaune. "I'm sorry!"

"I'm fine, Jaune-Jaune here absorbed the impact." Nora exclaimed.

"I'm glad my frail body is good for something… can you two get off me now?" Jaune asked.

"If I was naked, I bet you wouldn't say that." Nora giggled. "How about you, Pyrrha, do you think Jaune would resist two gingers naked atop of him?"

"I'd like that… WAIT WHAT?" Pyrrha jumped upright, allowing Jaune to push Nora aside and get up.

"Nora, stop messing with us. Ren?"

"I'm OK. We're in some kind of computer room…" Ren stated and they noticed they were in some kind of industrial complex with lots of functioning screens.

"Glynda?" Jaune asked his AI.

[The key required is locked behind a double password setup that should be input in two different terminals located on this server at the same time.]

"That's a lot of security for a key…" Jaune wondered.

[A key that can activate weapons of mass destruction.]

"That's not enough security for it. You know where the terminals are?"

[Of course. I'm sending the coordinates to the rest of your team.]

"Thanks, Glynda. Pyrrha, take Nora with you. Ren, we are going to the another point. Double time, everyone! The Reds might be in trouble!"

"Nah, I think they can wing it." Nora quipped.

* * *

"I don't want to alarm any of you, but we are in trouble. I'm out of ammo." Ruby informed.

"And almost out of fuel." Blake added.

"Just perfect! What do we do now?" Weiss questioned.

"I have an idea! Blake, take us back to the waterfall!"

"On it!"

* * *

"Man, those are some big caves…"

"Stop calling me 'man', I'm a girl!"

"How could I guess? I mean, we all wear the exact type of armor! It's not like they put boob shapes on them!"

"By my voice? And the fact I told you this a thousand times!"

"First, I don't like to make assumptions. Second, we wear the exact same armors! I have no idea who you are!"

-shotgun pump sound-

"Hey, White Fang dudes! Surrender now or prepare to taste the lead!" Yang threatened the two soldiers with her shotgun.

"Did you just wasted a good round to do that?" The Fang woman asked.

"Why everyone tells me this? It's for dramatic effect!"

"I had a friend that used to do this. One day he did it so much he ended up without ammo and a UNSC dog shot him in the face." The male soldier said.

"Wait… I thought you guys were the ones that were part dogs…" Yang inquired.

"It's an expression!"

"As a part dog Faunus I find this expression offensive." The woman soldier said.

"Ugh… Fine, I'm sorry! Now can we deal with the yellow one here! Besides, I bet she have no rounds left."

"Guess again sucker!" Yang tried to fire the shotgun but just a dry click came. "I hate you guys so much right now."

"Ha! What you'll do now bitch! OUCH!" Yang started to hit him with the shotgun. "Stop it! Help me here!"

"I think bitch is also offensive to me, so I'll just let her hit you till I feel satisfied." The woman answered.

* * *

"Here we are, terminal one. Now we just wait your girlfriend and Pyrrha to get to theirs." Jaune informed Ren and the green armored boy sighed.

"Jaune, I'm not Nora's boyfriend. We aren't like that."

"But you two are always together."

"Not together-together. Look, She's my childhood friend since the days in the orphanage, and she's like a sister to me. Besides… Promise me you won't tell anyone what I'm about to tell you."

"OK, I give you my word. And an Arc never goes back on his word."

"Jaune… I'm gay."

…

…

…

"So?"

"So? I just told you I prefer men!"

"Ren, this is the 26th century! Being gay haven't being a big deal since the 21st! I think you can even change gender with a simple injection!"

"Oh… so you don't care…"

"It changes nothing between us, I respect you as a fellow soldier and friend."

"Thanks. Now you believe me Nora and I aren't like that?"

"Yeah sure."

"Good, because she really likes you."

"I really like her too."

"I mean, like-like."

"I have no idea what you're talking about."

[Is still too late to choose another person to carry me around?]

* * *

"Here we are, now we only need Jaune and Ren to give us the signal." Pyrrha commented.

"Yep, then we can kick butt, break legses and take names! Then we'll have pancakes. I'm really hungry. Ren makes really good pancakes, but then he tries to feed you some green liquid that I'm sure it's slime he takes from the waterfall rocks. Jaune-Jaune makes nice food, but his pancakes not as good as Renny, but he also makes juice and I love juice." Nora trailed off.

"It must be really nice to have friends like Ren and Jaune. I… I always had trouble connecting with people before. My skills push people away due to jealousy or veiled interests." Pyrrha explained and Nora hugged her.

"Awwwwwww… your poor thing! But don't worry, I like you a lot! So much that I'd share my pancakes with you…"

"Thanks Nora." Pyrrha said contently.

"And Jaune! What do you say my fellow redhead! Do you want to try to get that dumbass into bed with us? Eh, eh!?" Pyrrha answered with a weird sound.

* * *

"Ouch. Ouch. Ouch. You can make her stop anytime now… Ouch." The Fang soldier complained as Yang kept hitting him with the shotgun.

"I don't know, that's being really entertaining."

"MAKE HER STROP OUCH!"

"Fine. Hey, yellow girl, freeze!" The Fang woman ordered while pointing her gun at Yang and the girl stopped. The Fang soldier got up and stood by his teammate side.

"Thanks for nothing! Now, USNC… pig? Is pig OK?"

"I'm OK with pig."

"UNSC pig, where's the rest of your teammates, especially Blake Belladonna?"

"Probably reducing your numbers out there." Yang answered spitefully.

"Yeah, they're probably running away right at… why do I hear music?" The Fang woman questioned… before RWBY's warthog ran over the two. "SON OF A BITCH!"

"That's not a nice thing to say!" Yang chirped and giggled. "Hey girls. Finished already?"

"Actually, we ran out of ammo." Blake explained.

"Hey, me too!"

"Because you keep wasting it by pumping your shotgun!" Weiss shrieked.

"Details. Wait, doesn't that mean the Fang will come here?" Yang asked before hearing an explosion.

"Not anymore! We blew up the entrance!" Ruby said proudly.

"If you destroyed my waterfall I'll eat all your cookies!"

"YOU WOULDN'T DARE!" Ruby yelled back.

"Salutations! I have new information you might like!" Penny came running towards them.

"Are the alien weapons working?" Ruby asked.

"No, but I made new friends!"

"Last time you made friends it was with the Blues, the enemy." Weiss deadpanned.

"They aren't Blues, or Fang, or even human." Penny explained happily.

"Penny, with whom exactly you made friends?"

"Blargh." The group turned to see an alien.

"Penny, we'll have to talk about your way to get new friends." Blake determined.


	14. Key to Victory

"I'll call him Zwei!" Ruby proudly declared in face of the alien.

"Oh, I like it! It's like our dog back home!" Yang approved.

"You're calling an alien life form after your dog? Why I'm not surprised." Weiss added.

"As long as he stays away from my things!" Blake said as she hissed at the alien.

"Blargh."

"Zwei is asking why we are here." Penny translated the alien.

"Is that a philosophical question?" Ruby wondered towards the robot.

"Blargh."

"No, he's asking why you sub-evolved species are running around with the sacred relics of his people."

"Oh, story time!" Yang declared. "It all started with a naked bath…"

* * *

"…and that's why Nora loves you."

"Wow… A really cute girl with the cutest bubbly butt likes me?"

"You… you actually stared at her butt?" Ren asked Jaune.

"I'm a healthy man. I tried really hard to not stare at, but she makes it really hard not to look at when she keeps going around naked."

"And you know Pyrrha might have developed feelings for you, right?"

"What?! But we barely know each other! I mean, it's like… we know each other for a day at best!"

"Well, love at first sight is a thing. She did stand by your side while you were unconscious."

"Fine, but Nora also likes me. It's not like she will just say…"

* * *

"Look, it's the future! No one cares about silly things like monogamy anymore. You can have him Monday, Wednesday and Saturday, I'll have him the other days and we let him rest on Sundays." Nora suggested to Pyrrha.

"But… You love him…"

"Yeah, I do, and I hope I can make him love me back. But hey, as long as I'm happy, he's happy and you're happy, why not?"

"I… Actually… That'd be grand."

"Told ya!"

* * *

[I'm sorry to interrupt such pressing matter, but shouldn't we open the locker for the key to reactivate the weapons?]

"Oh yeah, thanks, Glynda. Pyrrha, can you hear me?"

" _Y-yes. We're ready…_ "

" _To share!_ "

"Wait… what are we sharing?" Jaune asked.

" _I'll tell you later!_ " Pyrrha answered with a screech voice.

"OK? In the count of three… one… two…"

" _WAIT! At three or after three?_ "

"At three, Nora. One… two…"

" _WAIT!"_

"WHAT NOW?!"

" _I just want to film it. I'm ready!_ "

"One… two…"

* * *

"And that's it!" Yang finished her story.

"Blargh."

"He says you're all idiots, but he likes you, so he'll help if we promise helping his people with the Black Queen."

"His language is very concise." Weiss admired.

"We have a deal, Zwei. You help us with the White Fang and we'll kick this Black Queen's butt!" Ruby declared.

"Blargh!"

"He says he's thankful and won't insert a parasitic embryo inside you."

"YAY! Wait… what?!"

* * *

[The key is now reachable. Please follow the arrow on your HUD.]

"I love arrows pointing the way." Jaune said as they started walking.

"Yeah, but you kind of lose the sense of exploration and discovery." Ren commented.

"Next you'll tell me you prefer to scavenge for health packs instead of the nanobots fixing your bullet wounds."

[It does make organics more careless.]

"Word." Both boys agreed and then they met the girls.

"Heya! So, where's the key? Oh, can we travel to fantastic worlds with it? Like, a mix of JRPGs and classic animation movies?" Nora asked.

"Nora…" Ren started

[If you find the proper temple, yes.]

"I'm never, ever doubting Nora again. Let's get going. Pyr? You're awfully quiet." Jaune asked his partner.

"Just thinking about a certain proposal."

"If it's about extended warranty, never, ever buy them. Ever."

* * *

"What's taking so long to open the passage behind the waterfall again?" Adam asked his lieutenant.

"Well, first there's the fact the ecological conscious among us don't want to further damage it. Then there's the ones taking baths on it, naked. The line has a two hours wait right now and the team responsible for digging our way is in the end of it."

"Surely you can't be serious!"

"I'm always serious, and please refrain calling me Shirley."

* * *

"Here it is." Jaune said as he watched the empty room with the beam of light in the middle and an alien object floating on it.

"OOOHHHH Alien stuff is so cool!" Nora said as she circled around the object.

[Only a true warrior can hold the key.]

"It's all yours Pyr." Jaune declared.

"Oh… I… Thank you for the praise but I… Jaune, I don't want to be special. All my life people treated me as I was some kind of Invincible Goddess in the battlefield and I'd rather… Be just a soldier under your command…"

"Oh… I see…"

"She also wants hugs!" Nora shouted.

"Nora, I don't…" Then Jaune hugged her. "Actually, I really wanted a hug."

"Awww…" Nora cooed.

" _Hey, Blues, not to rush you or anything, but… WE ARE SURROUNDED AND NEED THOSE WEAPONS PROMPTO!_ " Weiss yelled at the radio as they could hear gunfire.

"Our comrades met the enemy!" Pyrrha gasped.

" _You think?!"_

"Well, fuck it…" Jaune said as he grabbed the object and with his hand movement it turned the energy sword on. "Ha! Laser swords! Cool as fuck!"

[Activating weapons.]

* * *

"Where are you my love? I crossed the galaxy just to meet you again!" Adam shouted as him and his troops walked around the caves.

"Sir, that does sound like a creepy stalker."

"I'm not a creepy stalker! I'm a man with a mission!"

"Hunting down the girl that dumped you is definitely creepy stalker territory." Blake said as she appeared holding a heavy alien weapon.

"My love! I'm glad you finally returned! Now come back to me, or else I'll take everything you love from you!"

"Creepy stalker..." His lieutenant said under his breath.

"Actually, I'm not running away. I'll just blow you and your creepy friends with you!"

"Hey! I'm not creepy! I'm just helping my boss… force his ex back into a relationship she doesn't want to be in… Yeah, that's also creepy alright." The lieutenant assumed.

"You and what army my love?"

"This army!" Ruby and the rest jumped from behind the rocks, equipped with alien weapons.

"Blargh!"

"What the hell is that?!" One of the White Fang troopers asked.

"It doesn't matter! Kill them all but Blake!"

"Yes sir!" *BOOOOOMMMM* "Ah son of a bitch!" The Fang trooper explode and fell dead on the ground as Blake reloaded her weapon.

" _Sir! We're under attack out here! They have some kind of energy sword and a hammer!_ "

* * *

"Swish-swish-stab!" Jaune yelled as he defeated another Fang. "I love the key-sword thing!"

"Jaune! Look out!" Pyrrha warned as a rocket was fired against Jaune, but the boy raised his arm and an energy shield protected him.

[As your AI I can activate functions on your armor that wasn't available since your organic frail minds can't use it.]

"While I think I was offended, I don't care. You're the best, Glynda, and I'm buying you an upgrade next opportunity I have." Jaune told the holographic projection.

[I… I'm thankful.]

"Less talking more smashing!" Nora yelled as she run after a group of Fang members. "HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Come back here and meet your demise!"

* * *

"So Adam. Do you mind surrendering and leaving me fucking alone?" Blake asked as she pointed her gun at him.

"You'll never get me to *BANG!* Son of a bitch!" Adam fell down as Yang reloaded her alien shotgun.

"Sometimes you need actions to speak for yourself, Blakey! Now, about all this White Fang stuff…" Yang pointed her shotgun at the lieutenant.

* * *

"And that's how we got them to leave." Ruby proudly stated to Jaune.

"Except there was no epic fight and Yang have both arms." Jaune contested the version Ruby told him.

"I already wrote it on my report! No changes now!"

"You're the kind that copied your homework from others a lot, don't you? Anyway, not as cool as my sword!" Jaune said activating it.

"Oh, let me try for a bit!" Ruby begged and Jaune gave her the sword. "Wait… why's not working?"

[Only the one that activated it for the first time can use the key, until death take him.]

"We can fix that!" Ruby said with an evil giggle.

"Hey!"

"Blargh."

"Oh yeah, we need to talk about Zwei. You promised him to help on something."

"Yeah, he says some evil queen is oppressing on of his people's colony. Apparently those weapons were for them."

"Well, good luck with that. I'm going to take a bath on the waterfall with my team."

"Blargh!"

"Actually, since you activated the key, they need you with us." Penny informed.

"Oh for… Can I at least take that bath first?"

"Blargh."

"He says sure; his ship is coming to pick us up in a few moments." Penny informed.

"Good, see ya." Jaune left the Reds.

"Well, now that the Fang thing is over, can we contact Command? I mean, they probably will be interested in our little side trip." Weiss wondered.

"I tried to but I keep getting the answer machine. Something about troubles with Freelancers and simulation troopers." Ruby stated.

"Come on, Weiss-cream, Blakey! It'll be an adventure! And the Blues are coming with us!"

"WHY ARE YOU TWO NAKED!?" Jaune yelled.

"See, fun!"

* * *

"Hey, he's waking up!"

"What happened?" Adam asked as he tried to sit down.

"Your ex new girlfriend shot you in the face. We had to use bionics to replace your eyes. Looks like a mask now." The lieutenant informed. "We got help of a woman."

"Woman?"

"Yes, Adam Taurus, someone who can help you on your objectives if you help me." He turned to see a woman in red and gold armor with long dark brown hair and shine amber eyes.


	15. New Enemies

"Status report!" A soldier clad in black armor with red details asked one of his subordinates.

"Well, I got better from that cold, my wife FINALLY got rid of that awful painting her mother gave us and my team finally won a match of Griff-ball this year."

…

…

…

"I was talking about a battle report!"

"Oh, yeah. Well, the aliens got Squad 8 and 23. But we have information the aliens are having help from the UNSC."

"UNSC? Where they got UNSC soldiers? Are they those Freelancer people we had heard about?"

"I don't know. They do have different colored armors, but they're all with standard UNSC equipment except a guy in white armor with gold details. He has an energy sword and shields, and a crazy pink girl with gravity hammer. And you told me gravity hammers were not combat viable."

"UNSC meddling with this is bad. And what about an energy sword?"

"I'm very curious about this energy sword too." They turned around to see their 'queen' in scarlet armor with golden details, escorted by a soldier in silver and black armor and another with green, white and brown armor.

* * *

"Finally! Alien pancakes!" Nora cheered as she started chomping down the pancakes with a weird green color. "It's as good as expected!"

"Are this even safe for consumption?" Blake wondered.

"Don't tell her, but those are pancake mix we took with us from our bases, and we just added some food coloring." Ren explained.

"Clever. So, where are our valiant leaders?" Weiss asked.

"They're with Zwei and Penny and the alien leaders, figuring out what is happening here." Ren told them.

* * *

"Blargh."

"Blargh!"

"Blargh?"

"Blargh."

"I don't know what they are saying, but somehow I think they're way politer than most people I know." Jaune wondered.

"How exactly they differentiate a 'blargh' from a 'blargh'?" Ruby wondered and suddenly all the aliens stared at her.

"Blargh." Penny said and they returned to talk with each other. "Ruby, avoid saying those awful words ever again, you almost offended our hosts."

[Their language is based in subtle intonations and body signs, that only Penny is able to properly emulate.] Glynda explained.

"So, what's going on again?" Ruby asked.

"According to them, human soldiers not from the UNSC came here after some kind of legend, something about the Seasons and powers." Penny explained.

[Therefore they have been attacking the colony and capturing their people. Similar to what happened with the White Fang, they haven't been able to call their home world, something about a temple.]

"And why they need our help? I mean, we are just a few soldiers." Ruby asked.

"Apparently Jaune holds a key to access several long forgotten temples, including the way to deactivate the temple holding the communications down." Penny added.

"Well, I can see why I'm here. But why bring all of us?" Jaune questioned.

" _Guys! We need backup!_ " Yang's voice came from the radio.

"Backup? Didn't you take like a hundred soldiers with you?" Ruby questioned.

" _About that…_ "

* * *

"…I think we might have a problem." She said as she and Pyrrha fought while the aliens rolled on the ground in pain.

"Something is affecting them, but we are fine!" The redhead added.

"But not for long if this continue! Bring everyone as fast as you can!" Yang demanded.

" _On it_!" Ruby answered.

"Damn it! Do you think…" Yang turned to Pyrrha to not see her by her side, but down the battle kicking all kinds of ass. "I'm so glad she's on our side right now…"

* * *

"So, let me get it clear. You want me to find this knight in white armor, kill him and bring his sword to you? Am I in a fairy tale or something?" Roman questioned Cinder through the video comm.

" _I can tell you this is very real, dear Roman. With the key in my hands, we can have access to the alien technology, and it will open the path to a long forgotten power that will allow the plan to proceed._ " Cinder affirmed.

"Wait… What key? I thought we were talking about a sword?"

" _Ugh… the sword is the key, Roman. Just kill the white guy and bring everything on him to me. And don't even dare to double cross me. You know what happened to the last one that tried._ "

"Yeah, I'm still cleaning him from the hull." Roman commented and the communication was cut over. "I hate that woman. Alright, Neo! What do you say we go pay a visit to those pesky UNSC soldiers?"

A soldier in pink, brown and white armor nodded.

* * *

"I'm out of ammo!" Pyrrha said as she retreated with Yang.

"Damn it! Who are those guys!?" The blonde questioned. "And where is our back up!"

They watched as the enemy soldiers advanced, then they heard something and the soldiers exploded. They turned around to see an alien tank.

"BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA! I'm queen of the castle! I'm queen of the castle!" Nora sang as she fired more rounds.

"Sorry for the delay! It's really hard to learn how to drive alien vehicles when they only say 'blargh'." Jaune said as he joined them and give them more ammo. "OK, let's get our… men? Women? Non-binary allies? Let's get our troops to safety!" Jaune said as he advanced with his force shield in the ready.

"Uh. He's taking his job as captain seriously." Yang admired.

"Yeah… so hot…" Pyrrha murmured under her breath. "I'm going to give him backup!"

"Be sure to just give him that in public." Yang singed and Pyrrha groaned a little before advanced.

"Hey sis!" Ruby said as she joined Yang.

"Hey, Rubes… Your rifle is different somehow…"

"Jaune lent me Glynda and she helped me put some alien tech on my baby!"

"Is that a good idea?" Yang asked and Ruby fired an energy beam that headshot three enemy soldiers. "Yep. Good idea alright."

* * *

"Man, those soldiers are winning? How?! We're like… a hundred and they are like nine people?!"

"They must be a selected elite of UNSC soldiers from some secret super soldier program equipped with the best technology available!" Another soldier yelled.

"Actually, we're the soldiers the UNSC wanted to never ever be in battle." Weiss said as she pointed her weapon towards the weapon.

"But we're actually performing well, don't you think?" Blake added as she pointed hers.

"Son of a…"

* * *

"Ahahahahahaha!"

"Nora! Calm down or you might hit one of ours!" Ren begged as he ride shotgun with her in the tank.

"Pffft… You worry too much Renny. Everything is under…" Nora fired a random shot and hit Jaune, that didn't die because of his shield.

" _NORA!_ " He yelled over the radio and she pointed towards Ren.

* * *

The battle soon was finished and the enemy fled, and soon the aliens returned to normal.

"Zwei, what happened?" Ruby asked her ally.

"Blargh."

"No way!"

"Did you actually understood that?" Weiss asked.

"Nope."

"Why do I even get surprised…"

"He said he heard some kind of awful sound and couldn't move." Penny translated.

"We heard nothing." Yang said.

"I heard some kind of whistle." Blake added.

"So, it's like… a dog whistle that affect aliens?" Nora wondered.

"Makes sense. The UNSC had research in the use of ultra and infrasound as a weapon before." Pyrrha added.

"Glynda?" Jaune asked the AI.

[It might be possible. But your armor is not equipped with the needed tools to point the cause.]

"Is there a way to find the cause?" Blake asked.

[The Tower of Knowledge might give us an idea, but only the key bearer can access it.]

"Then he need to throw it at the fires of Mount Doom to defeat the Dark lord!" Nora yelled.

"That's a ring bearer." Ren corrected her.

"Ah well, this sounds like a mission to the team Juniper!" Ruby declared. "Meanwhile, the awesome team RWBY will go behind enemy lines and gather intel… and maybe some cookies."

"Wait, we will?" Weiss questioned.

"Of course we will! We promised Zwei!"

"Wait, we did?!"

"Blargh."

"Zwei is so thankful you're going to put yourselves in mortal danger for his people!" Penny praised them.

"What?!" Weiss asked again.

"Oh well, since we're here, let's go have some fun!" Yang said as she cocked her shotgun. "I really need to stop doing this…"

* * *

"Ugh, they are going in separate ways…" Roman groaned. "Doesn't matter, she wants the white guy dead. Do you think you can take care of him?" Neo nodded. "Good! Let Cinder deal with the others. Let's go!" he motioned to walk but Neo stopped in front of him. "Fine! We can have ice-cream first!"


	16. It Lacks Something

"It lacks something." Nora wondered as they stood in front of the tower.

"It's an alien structure beaming light, what more do you need?" Ren asked.

"Pancake house, a movie theater, some lousy t-shirts, balloons, cotton candy and some flags and towers." Nora explained.

"Why did I ask again?"

"I'm more concerned for the lack of troops protecting this place. I mean, if it does hold so much knowledge, I'd protect it with at least a tank." Pyrrha commented.

"Don't jinx us!" Jaune begged with a crackling voice.

[I do not detect any enemy activity. But I advise proceeding with…]

"Geronimo!" Nora yelled as she jumped from behind the rocks and rushed towards the temple.

[…caution. She won't live long, will she?]

* * *

"Here we are, the enemy central!" Ruby shout-whispered as they stood in the threes beneath an enemy base.

"Are we even sure this is their central base? It looks like just an outpost." Weiss questioned.

"Still looks better than our old bases." Blake added.

"Pffft. No waterfall, no life." Yang said. "Hey, Penny, any readings?"

"Oh, I started a book Blake lent me. _Ninjas of Love: Steamy Wars_. But I still have no idea what a _yaoi_ hole is." They all turned to Blake, that remained silent.

"First, I was asking about sensor readings, second, do not read Blake's books or comment about them with Ruby." Yang warned the android.

"I have no idea what you're talking about. I have read one of Blake's book and I didn't see anything weird." Ruby said.

"Wait, really?" Blake and Yanga sked at the same time.

"Yeah, I mean there was ninjas and fights and weir gaps between them."

"Oh, I think she blocked the more… steamy parts from her memory." Weiss suggested.

"Anyway! Penny, what your sensors are reading from enemy base?"

"There are a hundred people there. And one of them is an old acquaintance."

* * *

"Sir, are you sure about this?"

"Leave me alone! I'll have my revenge!" Adam answered back to his lieutenant.

"Sir, you already ate seven pints of chocolate ice-cream."

"WHY SHE DOESN'T LOVE ME BACK?! WHY SHE HAD TO LEAVE ME!?" Adam bawled as he stuffed himself with more ice-cream.

* * *

"Oh for… he's still alive?" Blake groaned in annoyance.

"Some guys don't know what a 'no' means." Yang answered as she patted her friend's back.

* * *

"Nora, do not do that ever again." Ren chastised her friend.

"OK, Renny." She answered still as happy as ever. "So, Jaune-Jaune! Stab the tower!"

"On it!" Jaune answered as he activated the sword.

[Wait! Why are you even doing what the obvious insane member of this team is suggesting?]

"Nora never, ever got a thing wrong since all this started. I learned to not doubt her." Jaune answered Glynda.

[This is…] There was a small tremor and an ominous alien voice, then an alien AI in green light appeared. […I know understand half of you better.]

"Hey… uhhh… I'm Jaune, Jaune Arc. I have this…" Jaune waved the sword. "I'm I have questions."

{I see I'm the AI responsible for the temples in this planet You can choose the proper designation for me.} It said in a very fast voice.

"I'm calling him Oobleck! Like my old story teacher! He spoke that fast too!" Nora decided on her own.

{Understood from now on I shall be referred as Oobleck what can I do for you all?}

"Uuhh… we have like… a few questions to do. If you don't mind."

{Of course not true warrior I'm responsible for this temple of knowledge too and my extended database can answer basically any question you might have.}

"Can you marry people?" Nora asked suddenly.

{Yes.}

"Pyrrha!" She turned to her fellow redhead.

"I think we should ask first about how the invaders are using some kind of device to held Zwei's people immobile." Pyrrha said but glanced over Jaune for a moment.

{Ah I see that's actually pretty simple they're using a non-lethal sound frequency to keep the descendants of my creators in that state while broadcasting it using a camouflaged ship.}

"I see. So that's how we can't find the source. Any way to locate that ship?" Jaune asked Oobleck.

{Yes but you don't have time to do it now since you're going to fight an intruder good luck.}

"Wait, intruder?" Ren asked and they all turned to see the multicolored enemy soldier.

"Renny! A tiny, tiny soldier! Can we keep it?!" Nora asked excitedly. Then the girl suddenly attacked Jaune, kicking him against a wall. "I changed my mind, let's break its legses!"

* * *

"I can't believe we are doing this!" Weiss whispered her complaint.

"Shut up! We're disguised! We are trying to get to their data center!" Ruby answered.

"We are NOT disguised! We just smeared that black mud over our armor! They'll caught us!"

"Hey, you five!" They all froze and turned to see the Lieutenant. "What are doing here?"

"We… We…" Ruby stuttered.

"Hey boss, Adam told us to keep an eye on the data center just in case those pesky UNSC soldiers decide to come a blow it up… But we kinda got lost on our way." Yang said and everyone cringed at her lame excuse.

"Oh, yeah, the design of this outpost is always confusing. I'm still trying to find the bathrooms… for so long… Anyway, the data center is just straight ahead, first door to the right."

"Thanks sir!" Yang said and saluted as the Lieutenant left. "Nailed it!"

"We're so lucky everyone else is so incompetent." Weiss lamented as they walked to the data center were they found a lonely soldier watching cat videos.

"Salutations! We're here to steal your data!" Penny said cheerily and they all stiffed at that.

"Pfft. Data. It's not like the White Fang have a big plan. Until now we just drifted around attacking random UNSC ships. It's more like we're pirates than revolutionaries!" The woman soldier complained loudly. "And now we're even working with humans!"

"Oh, really? Tell me more." Blake asked.

* * *

"GAAAH!" Jaune yelled as he was being attacked by the colorful soldier. "Why she hates me so much!"

"She?" Asked Pyrrha as she engaged the enemy.

"Well, she does walk swinging her hips in a very feminine way."

"Jaune, did you just checked out the enemy?" Pyrrha asked indignantly.

"What? Of course I did! Checking out the enemy to assess its abilities! And she's dangerous!"

"Oh, of course if it was a man you would have noticed too!"

"Yes, I would because I want to be a good leader for you!"

"CAN YOU TWO STOP THE LOVER'S QUARREL AND HELP!?" Ren yelled as the enemy held him by his neck and punched him with her rifle.

"Pyrrha, we'll have a talk after this! I'll try to get her attention, you and Nora hit her!"

"I like this plan." Both girls said at the same time.

Jaune left a battle roar out as he tried to attack the enemy with the sword, but she skillfully, almost like dancing, dodged all of his attacks and started kicking his butt.

"Oh come on!" he complained.

"So, are we going?" Nora asked her fellow redhead.

"In a few." Pyrrha answered as she watched the enemy wipe the floor with Jaune.

* * *

"DOWNLOADING DATA!" Penny declared as she was connected to the terminal.

"…and don't even start me with the rations. Not enough fish!" The female soldier kept complaining.

"There's never enough…. Never…" Blake lamented.

"You know, one thing I don't understand is why you guys didn't go to the news to reveal what the UNSC did to you." Weiss asked.

"Oh, we tried! But the SDC owns the news."

"SDC?" Ruby asked.

"Schnee Data Company, the biggest tech company on the galaxy! It was their scientists that created us and they don't anyone to know their failure!" They all stared at Weiss that laughed nervously for a moment.

"Does that makes Weiss and Blake sisters?" Penny asked. "Oh, download complete!"

"Good. Thanks for your cooperation. Actually, you were surprisingly cooperative." Ruby wondered towards the Fang woman.

"I was just stalling you all."

"Crap." They all said as they turned to see Adam and several soldiers in front of them.

"Hello, darling." He said to Blake.

"Don't call me darling you pervert."

"You have nowhere to run. If you want your 'friends' to live, you better obey me."

"I think you really should discuss your relationship, Blakey." Ruby whispered. "I hope Jaune is having a better luck."

* * *

"Son of a bitch!" Jaune exclaimed as he was once again kicked in the butt.

"Enough!" Pyrrha yelled as she attacked the small soldier, with Nora in tow. The two girls attacked at the same time but as soon as their weapons connected the soldier shattered like glass.

"What was that?" Ren asked.

{An advanced solid holographic device used to confuse the enemy and allow the soldier to escape while the enemy is confused clever tech probably salvaged from the ruins in this world.}

"Thanks, Oobleck?" Jaune said as he got up. "Now, can you two explain what took you so long?"

"Nothing." Nora and Pyrrha said at the same time.

"We'll have a long conversation about it later. Oobleck, can you tell us a way to track the invisible ship?"

{I can but you won't need it as it's de-cloaking right now and preparing to attack you.} They turned up to see the huge ship aiming its canons on them.

"OH COME ON!"


	17. A Virtue

"I consider myself a patient man, Blake. Someone who takes his time to do what he must do."

"Not in the bed." Blake answered and snickering was heard before he stared his men down.

"I believe in second chances…"

"You end both in seconds." More snickering.

"So, here's the deal. You come back to me and I might just let your new UNSC friends go."

"Wow, you really know how to charm a girl. Let me think about it no."

"Oh, maybe you'll change your mind when I start to torture your new friends!" Adam growled at Blake.

"Don't underestimate my intelligence, Adam. I know for certainty you'll kill them all anyway and besides, having to see you begging to me is already torture enough." The White Fang soldiers laughed for a moment before Adam slapped Blake's head. "You know I'm wearing my helmet."

"I'll give you an hour to change your mind, then I'll start to send your friends to hell!"

"Now you can last an hour? Your previous record was barely five minutes." Adam growled and left as his soldiers followed, trying not to laugh out loud.

"Did you really had to provoke the man?" Weiss questioned.

"Totally worth it." Blake answered proudly.

"Don't worry Weiss! I'm sure Jaune will come to rescue us!" Ruby said.

"Oh, that's good! You sent a distress signal to the Blues before we were captured!"

"Of course I… wait… I thought you did it! You're the one all about rules and such!"

"You're our leader, you dolt!"

"Stop calling my sister a dolt ice-queen!"

"I'll when you stop calling me that!"

"You know they haven't take our helmets." Penny chimed in in the middle of the discussion.

"So what, they tied our hands!" Weiss screeched.

"Our helmets' radio is voice activated." Penny said and there was a long moment of silence.

"Wow. I don't know who's more stupid. Them or us." Yang said.

"Jaune, here's Ruby! The White Fang captured us! Can you come and save us?"

* * *

"We're a little busy right now!" Jaune answered as he dodged the shots fired by the ship as they tried to escape it on the ATVs. "Nora, can't you fire a rocket our something?"

"I'm too far, the grenade launcher won't make a dent and I'm hungry! But the last one is not your fault!"

"And why the hell the rest is?!"

"Less talking more not getting blew to pieces!" Ren shouted as they kept dodging the shots.

"Glynda! Can't you hack that thing?" Jaune asked.

[Yes.]

"Good then…"

[It'll take me five hours to remotely hack it… or five minutes from a physical access point from inside it.]

"Crap! What can we do?!"

"Enemy VTOL deployed!" Pyrrha warned as six attack ships were sent from the back port entrance.

"I might have a really crazy idea." Jaune said as he stared at a rock formation in the form of a ramp.

"And here I expected a challenge." Pyrrha said as she understood his idea.

"I love it!" Nora agreed as she reloaded her grenade launcher.

"If I die on this one, I'm going to haunt all of you." Ren added.

[I got reactivated for this…]

* * *

"Apparently they have a plan." Ruby said after Jaune's last contact. "So, do we wait for the Blues?"

"Not a chance. I don't trust mister redhead fetish." Weiss said as she tried to untie herself. "I give them that, they now how to tie a knot. And those ropes are really resilient."

"They're made of a special metal alloy after all." Penny added.

"And I need to scratch my nose." Yang said and then she disengaged the armor 'fore-arms' and freed her hands, removed her helmet and scratched her nose. "So much better… What are you all looking at?"

* * *

"GERONONIMO!" Nora yelled as the two ATVs jumped using the natural ramp and them team juniper jumped on the VTOLs. Jaune almost missed but Pyrrha saved him. After that she grabbed the pilot and tossed him off the vehicle and assumed the controls. Nora and Ren also assumed the command of their VTOL.

"Ren! Nora! Pyrrha and I'll keep the other busy! Try to open a way inside the ship!"

"YOU GOT IT!" Nora said as she laughed maniacally and waved her grenade launcher.

"If we pull this off, I'm buying all of you, dinner." Jaune said and all Pyrrha heard was 'dinner with Jaune' and started wiping the skies of the enemies with prejudice.

* * *

"We're all idiots! Of course the UNSC is keeping us from all the real military operations! My sister is probably disappointed on me!" Weiss lamented as she was the last to free herself.

"We're keeping this tidbit out of the official reports. In fact, let's not talk about it. Ever." Ruby added.

"Less talking more daring escape!" Yang prompted them. "I really don't want to be rescued by the Blues."

"Why not, I mean, they're nice people. A little bit crazy, but nice." Blake asked.

"It's a matter of honor, Blakey."

"I'll be happy to leave this place before a certain crazy ex-boyfriend decide he won't last an hour." Ruby said as she opened the door and the five girls popped their heads out. "Let's go!"

* * *

"I'm just saying there's doctors that can look at it." Lieutenant said to Adam.

"For the last fucking time I don't have any problem! She was just trying to piss me off!" Adam yelled back.

"Sir, no one is thinking less of you because of your little problem…"

"IT'S NOT LITTLE! IT'S NORMAL SIZED! THAT'S IT, I'M KILLING ALL HER FRIENDS!" Adam said as he left.

"He really is quick to explode…"

* * *

*BOOM*

"That was AWESOME!" Nora yelled as the VTOL entered the ship's dock after she exploded an entrance.

"Let's never do this again." Ren said as he blew up the enemy soldiers with the onboard guns.

"I'll find the access terminal! Pyrrha, cover me!" Jaune said as he jumped off the ship and used his shield to cover the fire, before he reached an holo-panel. "Can you use this one, Glynda?"

[Yes. I can't take direct control, but I can mess up enough to give us time to escape. I also can download their logs if you want them.]

"I'll take whatever you can give me as long as we do it quick!"

[Understood. Download time estimated to be less than five minutes.]

"That's too long!" Jaune lamented as he Answered enemy fire.

"Except in bed! I hope you can last an hour at least!" Nora yelled from her position.

* * *

"HOW THEY ESCAPED!?" Adam yelled.

"My best guess is that they removed their armor. We really should've taken them beforehand." The Lieutenant said as he checked the ropes.

"What are you waiting for! Send soldiers to find them!"

"Sir, why are we worrying about them? I mean, chasing your ex won't push our own agenda further. And also, they are probably going back to their base."

* * *

"Their cooks aren't so good." Ruby lamented as they assaulted their food storage.

"But they have fish! It's all I need." Blake answered as she ate a whole swordfish.

"You two need to eat more vegetables." Weiss chastised the duo.

"Say's the girl eating a steak." Ruby teased.

"Hey! Protein is important!"

"You all should calm down and enjoy the meal. It's not healthy toe at while distressed." Yang prompted them.

"THEY'RE HERE AT THE MESS HALL!" A Fang soldier yelled and started shooting.

"I think we should put it on a dog bag and run." Ruby prompted and they all rushed outside.

As they rushed outside under the rain of gunfire they found Adam and several soldiers waiting for them in the landing platform.

"My love, why you keep hurting me by running away?" He said towards Blake.

"OK, enough is enough. Adam, I don't love you. In fact, I probably never had, I was just a scared girl and you were there so I thought I'd be safe with you. But turns out you're a creepy asshole that thinks of me as your property and I'd rather die than go back with such a possessive jerk like you… that can't even give me an orgasm."

"Too much information…" Weiss and Ruby murmured in protest.

"Sick burn!" Yang yelled in support.

"I see that being with lowly humans confused your mind and heart." Adam answered.

"I think your delusions is affecting your mind and heart. Let me spell for you… I-A-M-N-O-T-I-N-L-O-V-E W-I-T-H-Y-O-U-A-N-D-O-N-T-W-A-N-T-Y-O-U-B-A-C-K." Blake stated.

"Don't worry my peach, once I remove the meddlers we'll be happy once again."

"Oh my god I've heard of denial but this is like… living in a different existence! You actually spelled it for him and he didn't get the hint." Yang added between laughs.

"Hint? I think you could punch him with a stone with that written on it and he still would be in denial!" Weiss said trying to suppress a laugh.

"Don't worry, friend Blake, I asked Nora to spell it in a way he could understand." Penny added all of sudden.

"Wait… Nora?"

"HEY YOU CREEP, READ THIS!" Suddenly team Juniper appeared in the VTOLs and fired a hail of bullets between Adam and Blake, writing 'She's not into you, get lost!' in black smudges and bullet holes on the ground.

"They even used a nice calligraphy." The Lieutenant added as the VTOLs fired and dispersed the soldiers.

"Who wants a ride?" Jaune asked as he hang from the side of the VTOL Pyrrha was flying.

"SHOTGUN!" The four girls of team RWBY yelled.

"What a shotgun have to do with all this…" Penny wondered before Ruby dragged her to the VTOL and they left.

"BLAKE! COME BACK!" Adam yelled.

"Sir… I think you should get over her…" The Lieutenant suggested.

"Nothing will stay between our true love."

"That's it. Sir, I'm taking your _50 Shades_ collection away from you."


	18. Conspirations

"Blargh?"

"Yep, a big ship with infrasound stuff. And we now have the details! We can build you all noise cancelling headsets! And not those expensive crappy ones with a 'B' on the sides… something more… Germanic!" Ruby explained to Zwei in her ever excited manner.

"Blargh… Blargh."

"What do you mean you don't have the factories to buy them?"

"Blargh."

"Oh yeah, unions…"

"Should I be happy or worried they are able to communicate?" Weiss questioned.

"Meh, she's fine. So, kitty, that creepy ex of yours. What should we do about him?"

"I have some ideas." Blake answered Yang as she sharpened her battle knife.

"Anyway… Penny! Where's the blues!?"

"Oh, Ren is trying to fix some Pelicans for us. I'm actually going to help him and Glynda."

"How about lover boy?"

* * *

"Girls… can we…"

"No." Pyrrha answered as she removed his helmet and kissed Jaune.

"You talk too much, Jaune-Jaune! Less talking, more bumping my back bumpers!" Nora declared as she already removed her armor.

"I even got us some energy drinks." Pyrrha said as she showed the red can.

"Meep."

* * *

"Perverts. All of them." Weiss scoffed.

"Good news everyone!" Ruby said as she approached.

"Oh, we will get the new Dacia Sandero?" Penny asked.

"Penny, just go help Ren." Weiss asked and the robot saluted and left.

"So, after much talking with Zwei, we decided we need to blew stuff!" Ruby said and Yang celebrated.

"I already dislike this plan." Weiss added. "What and where we are going to explode stuff?"

"See, while that enemy ship is in the air, Zwei and his people can't help us. So we will blow it up! Glynda knows where it goes to resupply, and its schematics. So all we need to do is to go to the resupply point and put some charges and soon we'll have an army again!"

"you mean the nine of us… just… the nine of us." Weiss questioned.

"We'll do it stealthily!"

"We?" Blake questioned, knowing very well they weren't the stealthiest people in the universe.

"Don't worry! Ren is installing stealth drives in the Pelicans! They will never see us coming!"

* * *

"They are so coming here next." A green armored girl told the silver one by his side, while the ice-cream themed one sat on a box as the ship resupplied.

"Yep, so predictable, like flies to honey." The silver one answered.

"That's… such a weird phrase. Don't flies prefer shit? Though, if that was the case I'm surprised they aren't around you, Mercury."

"Har, har, Emerald. If at least your aim was as sharp as your tongue…"

"Shut up you two. I'm not paid enough to tolerate your little banter, even when it is entertaining. Cinder wants us to be sure we'll get rid of the pesky UNSC soldiers so I hope her lackeys to be as good as she stated." A man in a white armor with orange and black details said.

"I'm certain we are better than your little helper there, Roman." Mercury said as he pointed to the ice-cream colored one.

"Neo is reliable, I assure both of you. Her little problem with them was nothing to worry about. Now, you two better get ready. I'm sure our little problem will make sure to come soon enough." Mercury and emerald left while bantering with each other. "Neo, dear, are you sure they had the key?" The girl nodded. "Good. Let's keep pretending we obey to Cinder until we got our hands on it. Then we'll see a change in leadership on this little operation."

* * *

"Here the wrench you asked for, friend Ren."

"Thanks, Penny. You're sure you can fly a Pelican?"

"Certainly! I uploaded all the needed manuals and ran all the needed 300 hours of simulated flight in my head plus a few combat scenarios!"

"Good enough for me."

"Hey, Blue, how long before we can go kick some ass?" Yang called as team RWBY approached.

"A few more hours. We don't want to be the ones exploding." He explained.

"Good, because I have the blast charges ready! All the blast charges!" She proudly pointed at the pile of deadly explosives. "We totally need to record it!"

"I'll do it, friend Yang!" Penny said.

"I love you!"

"Like Nora and Pyrrha loves Captain Jaune?" Penny asked.

"Not that much. By the way, were are they?"

* * *

"Wow… I... Wow…" Pyrrha said as she caught her breath.

"I need… a few… more minutes…" Nora said as she too panted.

"If you two want to stop…" Jaune said as he drank from the red can.

"That's it… next time… no energetics!" Nora said as she took the can from Jaune and sipped it.

"Next time… but for now…" Pyrrha grabbed the boy.

* * *

"Oh, so they're playing chess!" Ruby said.

"No, they are…" Penny was about to correct.

"Chess! Playing! Nothing else!" She yelled.

"Weeeell. Hope they are able to fight when were ready to go." Blake said as she observed the Pelican. "Where did we got one of these anyway?"

"The aliens said something about debris of a secret UNSC space station some AI powered soldiers blew up." Ren explained.

"Wow, what a coincidence! What are the chances?" Yang asked.

"Who knows, I'm glad we have it." Ruby said as she grabbed some paint. "And I'm going to make it look awesome!"

"Oh no you won't! Not without supervision!" Weiss protested.

[Estimated time for all systems to go on-line is three standard UNSC hours.]

"Oh, we'll use quick-dry paint!" Ruby said as she grabbed a spray can.

"Ugh, do not let this hit me! It is hard to clean the armor after!" Weiss complained again.

"Anyway, should we warn the three love birds of this?" Yang asked.

"Blargh."

"STOP SAYING SUCH OBSCENITIES!" Ruby protested.

* * *

"I don't trust that Roman guy. He's just a petty thief." Emerald informed Cinder over the comm.

" _Neither do I, dear Emerald. Let him and his men do the hard work and die for our objectives and then we'll just kill him when he stops being useful_."

"What we do if he betrays us?" Mercury asked.

" _When he betrays us, because he will, I'll deal with him personally. And then everyone will learn why no one betrays me._ " Cinder ended the communication.

"Well, we have our orders." Emerald turned to Mercury.

"I'd rather just kill Roman right now. Maybe I'll do it and make it seems like an accident."

"Oh, no you won't! I won't lie to Cinder if something goes wrong, and she'll put a hot rod up your butt if you disobey her."

"Pffft… Yeah… wait, she would?"

* * *

-knock knock-

"Blake? Hi?" Jaune said as he opened the door of his room.

"Hey Jaune. I just came here to tell you we're going to start our next mission in two hours."

"Oh, thank you. I'll make sure everyone is ready by then."

"Will the girls be ready for it? I mean, they do sound exhausted."

"Oh, they'll be fine. Don't worry."

"Good. Oh, and next time… wear pants when getting the door."


End file.
